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Rammina
Rammina

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Day 26 of 100 Days of Code & Scrum: A Life Full of Hardships

TRIGGER WARNING: The content of this post can be emotionally disturbing. I politely ask you to turn back if you don't want to suffer from negative emotional reactions.

Hello there.

Today was an extremely rough day. I'm even having trouble writing this down. However, I still managed to do what was required for the challenge.

Suicidal Tendencies

My wife has been suffering from severe anxiety, depression, and suicidal tendencies for how many years by now. And I'm no different either. I have severe RSI on both hands; I've always fought an uphill battle in trying to become a developer. Our lives are definitely ones full of hardships.

To summarize, today was pretty bad in terms of emotional distress. My wife and I were already going through so much the past month, and we're not exactly in the best state mentally.

I'm sorry you had to meet me.
It's something that should have probably not happened.
I wanted you to be happy, but instead, it's like this.
So many others could have been good for you.
I really wish life could have been different.

Earlier, we've had a really bad interaction which pushed both of us downwards. Instead of providing emotional support and respecting her boundaries, I just made her (and myself) feel a lot worse and she was seriously talking about suicide.

Is she fine? I don't know, and only tomorrow will tell. All I can do is continue doing what I'm supposed to and be there by her side at all times.

All Journeys have Hardships

I know this isn't really the place to be talking about this, and I'm not asking for help or advice either.

I just see myself writing down my story for these 100 days of coding. These are all the things I've done and went through. And no one's journey is going to be always happy. I'm sure most people go through multiple tough times in their careers, whether be it personal or professional hardships.

Anyway, let's move on to my daily report.

Yesterday

I learned about Next.js web crawling, indexing, and rendering strategies. I wrote Agile user stories for my company website. I read about team arrangements for multiple Scrum teams.

Today

Here are the things I learned and worked on today:

Next.js

  • finished the official Next.js tutorial.
  • learned about performance and core web vitals.
  • Largest Contentful Paint - measures the time it takes for the largest element to load in a page (loading performance).
  • First Input Delay - perception of an end-user's experience while interacting with the page. (interactivity and responsiveness).
  • Cumulative Layout Shift - measure of a site's overall layout stability.
  • learned about using Google Lighthouse to monitor the quality of a webpage.

Scrum

  • wrote user stories and tasks for my company website.
  • finished reading Scrum and XP from the Trenches.
  • I read about scrum of scrums
  • dealing with distributed teams is a lot more difficult than in-person because of communication issues, lack of proximity, different cultures, and so on.

I wish everyone the best, and that you overcome the difficulties you face. Thank you for reading!

sea

Resources/Recommended Readings

DISCLAIMER

This is not a guide, it is just me sharing my experiences and learnings. This post only expresses my thoughts and opinions (based on my limited knowledge) and is in no way a substitute for actual references. If I ever make a mistake or if you disagree, I would appreciate corrections in the comments!

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Feel free to reach out to me in other media!

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Discussion (6)

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darito profile image
Daro

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope everything improves soon.
It is good that you write these post and if it is necessary for you write more.
I really like that all of a person's feelings and struggles can be shared.
There will always be someone to listen.
Have they tried to get professional help?

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rammina profile image
Rammina Author

I appreciate the kind words.

We both have, but there is no quick fix to something like this. Unfortunately, it's more of a battle of endurance than something that has a definite solution.

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darito profile image
Daro

Keep going.
Step by Step
You can achieve it
I trust you and I hardly know you but I know it from the words of your blog.

I know you can
amistad

Thread Thread
rammina profile image
Rammina Author

Thank you for your support!

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ewatch profile image
ewatch

I am sorry for you and your wifes situation.
Please think about getting help.
It's nothing you have to be ashamed for.
Life is really the greatest we are all received and at the same time I can understand your view seeing everything in a really dark mood.
I hope you both will find a way to get a different perspective.
Please think about getting help!

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rammina profile image
Rammina Author

Thank you for the kind words end support!

We're doing alright now.