The Art of Depression

Trigger warning: depression, explicit images

Depression has long been the loudest untold story of my developer life. I did my coming out last year after a very long very personal journey in my manifesto We Shall Improve Hiring Somewhat

Ideally, I would like that people who come after me suffer less

Today I want to talk especially about the social breakdown that comes with depression

I have plenty of family, friends, colleagues, a spouse.
And yet, when a crisis hit, I feel alone to degree I cannot describe with words

I don't choose to stay alone, I am powerless about it

I want connection, I need others

But I can't, depression makes me speechless

Carried away by the crowd, I fight and argue but the sound of my voice is smothered by the laughter of others

And I scream in distress, in fury, in rage, and I cry and am dragged by the crowd who rushes along, who dances a crazy farandole

How could I talk about the fog in my brain ?

How could I talk about my rational brain falling apart ?

How could I describe how broken I feel deep inside ?

How could I tell you how tired I am from this restless fight ?

And how would that help anyway ?

People are not ready for this journey inside darkness

How could I tell anything ?

I feel so empty

When I feel strong enough, to not drag down others with my suffering, I put a mask

I try to pull myself up by my own boostraps

But how could I tell how much resistance drags down every effort of mine ?

Time freezes ; days feel like months ; months feel like ash

I'm drowning, drop by drop

And I forget what I knew after all the previous crisis

I forget that some day the crisis will end

I forget that we shall overcome

I forget those mysterious beguiling eyes that shine through the tears

The art of depression

It is all over the internet.
A google image search for "depression art" will get you started.
Pinterest is a goldmine and where I selected most the art above
I'm oh so glad that artists have this super power to describe what the rational mind cannot phantom

This art is fascinating
This is art is not sad.
What is really sad indeed is the sound of silence, the hiding of the suffering of a very common disease.

For people to suffer less, we need to talk about depression.
When depression hits you or a close one, if you have not heard about it, you have no concept of what happens, you have no clue on how to react to it, no chance to navigate between the misinformation.