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FeetCode and 8 more useless tools - joke

Hey there,
Are you over-productive? Do you feel like you accomplish too much daily? Would you like to spend twice or thrice as much on simple chores?

Well, then this list is for you!

1. Redundant tracking system 2000

Yup, this is yet another issue tracking system for you. With the RTS2000 by @UselessTech you will need to write issues 4 times, manually link GitHub issues, send notifications by hand and code the dashboard yourself. Folks at @UselessTech are all about making it harder, less efficient and overall a pain in the ass to use their products! With this you will reduce your efficiency by 45%, what are you waiting for?

2. No pain no main

I'm excited to share the new VCS for over-productive developers. The new NPNM is a new VCS that makes your life harder, and removes all the not needed features like commits and PRs, replacing them with FTP. This is done because NPNM believes that commits and PRs are distracting and are not a waste of time. By using NPNM you will have no main without pain, as you will need to create a history yourself.

3. Morsecord

I'm guessing most of you use Discord right? It's a very useful piece of tech for communication between teams or with your friends.

Morsecord comes as an alternative to make it a lot more complicated and extreme by making all conversations morse-code. Not only do you need to learn to write morse-code but you also need to learn to read it.

Β 4. Splitter

Like Twitter but focused on splitting and dividing opinions, while promoting hate and toxic discussions... Ohh wait, that's Twitter actually...

5. Stigma

Figma is loved by the community, but it's too good. Stigma comes to remind us why Figma is so good. Drag and drop is overrated, with stigma you need to move and position elements by using a crane game joystick with very high sensitivity, which makes aligning and positioning elements extremely challenging. Why would you spend 2h making a mock, when you can spend 2 weeks perfecting your joystick skills!

6. BoseCode

It's like VSCode but instead of reading, you listen to your code.

Want to check what you wrote in line 25? No worries, BoseCode will narrate it to you.

Want to update a typo in line 32? Just tell BoseCode to do it: "Bose, change all instances of a bastard by custard in line 32"

Β 7. PatchDude

Postman allows too many types of requests, PatchDude fixes this by only allowing you to make patch requests. It's cool because you will never be able to use it on its own and required you to use some other tool for the rest of the requests!

8. SumerianScript

This new language will be the most hyped language of the year! The thing is, that we are not made to look at screens all day, our minds get all tangled and burned from using them. At SumerianScript they've decided to change that, and they've given us a way of writing code on clay tablets by using a stick. This aligns a lot more with our minds. Not only will you need to learn cuneiform writing, but you will also need to scan the tablets afterwards and compile them into machine code or other languages that can be transpiled to from SumerianScript.

9. FeetCode

Are your hands tired from writing so much code? Well, then this website is for you. FeetCode is a challenge platform, where you code with your feet instead of your hands. Be aware that your keyboard might stink afterwards...

Good gosh, I've been using these tools for a couple of months, and my boss is not happy... Can't tell you why xD

Hope you enjoyed the list! And please, can we stop posting useless listicles already? We don't need more... Please be a bit more creative and informative...

A question for you, what are some of the most useless tools you've come across?

Top comments (1)

nombrekeff profile image

Feel free to share you own fictional tools here in the comments!