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Matt Ellen
Matt Ellen

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Square a number: awful answers only

#challenge #jokes #programming

Today's challenge is deceptively simple. Square a number. Given the input of an integer, output that integer multiplied by itself.

E.g.

square(3);
//output: 9
square(15);
//output: 225
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Of course, I only want to see the worst ways to do this. Don't hold back. Make the compiler beg for mercy! You might find inspiration in the Wikipedia article on squaring.

Tests 

square(4) == 16;
square(16) == 256;
square(51) == 2601;
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Top comments (29)

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reobin profile image
Robin Gagnon •

Compact solution that passes all tests:

function square(value) {
  if (value === 4) {
    return 4 + 4 + 4 + 4;
  }
  if (value === 16) {
    return 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16;
  }
  if (value === 51) {
    return 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51;
  }
}
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codeandclay profile image
Oliver •

You should add a to-do comment for each unimplemented number.

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reobin profile image
Robin Gagnon •

Definitely will add that to the to-do list!

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v6 profile image
🦄N B🛡 •

Ohhh, boy. I needed that laugh, today. Thanks.

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snorkypie profile image
Steeve Lennmark •

Came here to submit this exact version, good job!

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kidsmohamed profile image
kidsmohamed •

thanks for your help

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darkwiiplayer profile image
𒎏Wii 🏳️‍⚧️ • • Edited

Bash

Using curl to make a request to some API I found on google

#!/bin/sh

curl "https://api.mathjs.org/v4/?expr=$1%5E2"
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Terra

Take N as an argument, then compile an executable named square_of_<N> that prints the square of N

local stdio = terralib.includec("stdio.h")

local function squarer(n)
  return terra()
    stdio.printf("%i\n", n * n)
  end
end

local n = tonumber(... or 0)

terralib.saveobj("square_of_"..tostring(n), { main = squarer(n) })
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rafaacioly profile image
Rafael Acioly •

I laughed at the curl solution I'm not gonna lie

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lucamattiazzi profile image
Luca •

I think I found another one, even better:

const jsdom = require('jsdom')
const got = require('got')
const fs = require('fs')

const { random, floor } = Math

async function square(n) {
  const url = 'https://dev.to/mellen/square-a-number-awful-answers-only-1764/comments'
  const html = (await got.get(url)).body
  const dom = new jsdom.JSDOM(html, { runScripts: 'dangerously' })
  const scripts = dom.window.document.getElementsByClassName('javascript')
  const randomScript = scripts[floor(random() * scripts.length)]
  eval(randomScript.textContent)
  return square(n)
}

square(3).then((r) => console.log(r))
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this one works by searching inside the comments to this post any solution that was written in javascript (looking if the author has selected the js highlighter), then simply evals it and finally runs it

since it could be picked itself, it must be named square

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itsjoekent profile image
Joe Kent •

this is my favorite answer

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mellen profile image
Matt Ellen •

So meta 😂

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kidsmohamed profile image
kidsmohamed •

thanks

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lionelrowe profile image
lionel-rowe • • Edited

Obviously, to square a number you first need to draw a square.

CSS 

.parent {
    display: inline-flex;
    flex-direction: column;
}

.row {
    display: flex;
    flex-direction: row;
}

.cell {
    width: 1px;
    height: 1px;
    background: red;
}
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JS 

function square(n) {
    const parent = document.createElement('div')
    parent.classList.add('parent')

    for (const _x of new Array(n)) {
        const row = document.createElement('div')
        row.classList.add('row')

        for (const _y of new Array(n)) {
            const cell = document.createElement('div')
            cell.classList.add('cell')

            row.appendChild(cell)
        }

        parent.appendChild(row)
    }

    document.body.appendChild(parent)

    const rect = parent.getBoundingClientRect()

    return rect.width * rect.height
}
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Limitations

It will only work for non-negative integer values of n.

Other than that, it's limited only by your browser's ability to render thousands upon thousands of divs.

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mellen profile image
Matt Ellen •

I was hoping I'd see something like this 😁

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berolomsa profile image
berolomsa • • Edited

Beg for mercy.

    private static int square(int value) {
        Random random = new Random();
        while (true) {
            int squared = random.nextInt(Integer.MAX_VALUE);
            if (squared % value == 0 && squared / value == value) {
                return squared;
            }
        }
    }
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rehmatfalcon profile image
Kushal Niroula • 

// Iteration based
function square(n)
{
    n = Math.abs(n);
    let ans = 0;
  for(let i = 1; i<=n;i++) ans += n;
  return ans;
}

//Functional
function anotherSquare(n ) {
    n = Math.abs(n);
  return [...Array(n).keys()].reduce((acc, cur) => acc + n , 0 );
}
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samuel_nait profile image
Samuel NAIT 🇫🇷 • • Edited

+1 point for readability

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lucamattiazzi profile image
Luca • 
function square(n) {
  with(Math) {
    for (let i = Number.MAX_SAFE_INTEGER; i >= 0; i--) {
      const isSquared = sqrt(i) === n
      if (isSquared) return i
    }
  }
  throw new Error('Number too big to be squared!')
}
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note: using with should improve performances since it does not need to access Math each time sqrt is used

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_garybell profile image
Gary Bell • 
function square(int $root): int
{
    $answer = 0;
    for ($i = 1; $i <= $root; $i++) {
        for ($j = 1; $j <= $root; $j++) {
            $answer++;
        }
    }
    return $answer;
}
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Just keep adding 1. It will get there

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room_js profile image
JavaScript Room •

How about the use of the good old two-dimensional array?!

function square(n) {
  const results = [];
  for (let i = 1; i <= n; i++) {
    for (let j = 1; j <= n; j++) {
      results[i] = results[i] || [];
      results[i][j] = results[i][j] || [];
      results[i][j] = i * j;
    }
  }
  return results[n][n];
}
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joelbennett profile image
Joel Bennett •

Not a full code snippet, but I would submit something terrible like this:

input = raw_input('enter a number: ')
while True:
    random_guess = random()
    if random_guess == input ** 2:
        return random_guess
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yoursunny profile image
Junxiao Shi •

We need some bloated JavaScript libraries.

<!DOCTYPE html>
<meta charset="utf-8">
<style>
* { border-spacing:0; margin:0; padding:0; }
body { width:1000000px; overflow:scroll; }
</style>
<script>
document.write('<script src="https://code.jquery.com/jquery.js"></' + 'script>');
</script>
<script>
function square(n) {
  const $table = $('<table>').attr('border', 0).appendTo($('body'));
  for (let row = 0; row < n; ++row) {
    const $tr = $('<tr>').appendTo($table);
    for (let col = 0; col < n; ++col) {
      $('<td>').attr({width: 100, height: 100}).appendTo($tr);
    }
  }

  let values = [];
  for (const prop in $table) {
    if (_.includes(['width', 'height'], prop)) {
      values.push($table[prop].call($table));
    }
  }
  return Math.round(Math.exp(_.sumBy(values, (value) => Math.log(value))) / 10000);
}

$(function() {
  $.getScript('https://unpkg.com/lodash@4.17.20/lodash.js', () => {
    console.log(square(4));
    console.log(square(16));
    console.log(square(51));
  });
})
</script>
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mattother profile image
mattother • • Edited

Simple enough. Just create some random square images and check randomly to see if the diagonal of one equals our number, with the added bonus of a potential for an awesome looking image.

And by the Infinite Monkey Theorem, given an infinite number of monkeys running an inifinite number of square functions, we'll eventually have the worlds greatest image. What a bonus.

module Square

using Images, Colors, FileIO

function square(num)
    v = tryGetSquare(num, 5000, 10000000)
    if v == -1
        error("Could not find square root")
    end
    return v
end

function tryGetSquare(num, maxNum, maxIter)
    if !isdir("images")
        mkdir("images")
    end
    for _ in 1:maxIter
        makeImg(maxNum)
        s = testImage(num)
        if s != -1
            return s
        end
    end
    return -1
end

function makeImg(maxNum)
    dims = rand(1:maxNum, 1)[1]
    imgc = rand(RGB{Float32}, dims, dims)
    path = string("images/", dims, ".png")
    save(path, imgc)
    return path
end

function testImage(num)
    images = readdir("images")
    pickedImg = rand(1:length(images))
    imgData = load(string("images/", images[pickedImg]))
    dia = dialogonalLength(imgData)
    if dia == num
        return length(imgData)
    end
    return -1
end

function dialogonalLength(imgData)
    count = 0
    for x in 1:size(imgData, 1)
        for y in 1:size(imgData, 2)
            if x == y
                count += 1
            end
        end
    end
    return count
end

end # module
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dreinull profile image
Jascha Gerles •

Using JS theres a NPM package for this: npmjs.com/package/sqr
Install it via npm install sqr

var sqr = require('sqr');
sqr(4); // 16
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dmfay profile image
Dian Fay • • Edited

Late, but any excuse for a cross join:

CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION square (n INT) RETURNS INT
AS $$
  WITH numbers AS (
    SELECT *
    FROM generate_series(1, n)
  )
  SELECT count(*)::INT
  FROM numbers AS n1
  CROSS JOIN numbers AS n2;
$$
LANGUAGE SQL;
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codeandclay profile image
Oliver • • Edited

Create an x * x array of dots. Count the dots.

def square(value)
  (0...value.abs).flat_map do
    Array.new(value.abs) { "." }    
  end.count(".")    
end
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