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How to cut a cake with various tech

Siddharth
13. Coding for a hobby
・2 min read
  • JavaScript
    • You build a robust, accurate user experience to cut cake. But then you realize that knifes are not supported in most browsers.
    • You cut yourself.
  • CSS
    • You try to cut the cake, but by the time you position the knife, the cake has moved into your face. You realize that you need Adobe Flash to cut cake.
  • HTML
    • You cut a triangle in your cake with nothing more than a small penknife, but you realize that to make it look convincing, you need to be using Dreamweaver.
  • Git
    • It is easy to cut cake with Git, but also easy to revert to a previous cake and merge it with your current frosting.
  • Shell

    • ~$ ls
    • cake.c cake.h cake.o frosting.c frosting.o
    • ~$ rm * .o
    • rm: .o: No such file or directory
    • ~$ ls
    • ~$
    • You don't remember any syntax and spend 5 hours reading man pages. Then you give up and cut the computer
  • XML

    • You can't actually cut the cake; all you can do is describe the knife in painful detail.
  • Node.js

    • The cake and knife are available, but they use callbacks. You install packages for them, but the knife is too heavy. Frustrated, you rewrite Node.js.
    • You write the knife, using 13 other libraries. But this bloats the knife, and you can't lift it. You get frustrated and kick the cake and cut it yourself. Considering this a success, you blog about your experience of being able to cut cake without even using a knife!
  • Angular

    • You spend hours learning Angular, and when you are done you are so happy you forget about cutting cake.
    • You absolutely mutilate the cake
  • jQuery

    • You cut cake. You are now an expert on JavaScript.
  • Svelte

    • Since the only instruction is to cut cake, the Svelte compiler hyperoptimizes your code so that it only shaves off a small part of the cake
  • React

    • You manage to get rid of this, which was stopping you from cutting cake, but then you face a closure.
  • Vim

    • You cut cake, but you can't quit.
    • "cake" is falsy, so you can't cut it
  • VSCode

    • You type cake, but VSCode autocompletes to hasUncaughtExceptionCaptureCallback. The next time you try, it autocompletes to REGEX_SPECIAL_CHAR_BACKREF
  • Assembly

    • You try to cut cake, but then you realize you need to invent the cake, the knife, the oven needed to cook cake, and your hand
  • BASIC

    • POINT KNIFE at CAKE, then MOVE DOWN 45px, then MOVE UP 45px, then ROTATE KNIFE.HANDLE, then MOVE DOWN 45px, then MOVE UP 45px.

Discussion (8)

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inhuofficial profile image
InHuOfficial

Hehe very entertaining, but what about cutting a cake in PHP?

Is that a case of you will cut the cake, but not in a straight line and everyone will tell you you should use a spoon to cut a cake next time as knives are rubbish!?

That is the best one I could come up with, no where near as good as yours, they gave me a good chuckle!

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bdelespierre profile image
Benjamin Delespierre

You want to cut the cake but the code for the knife is 10 years old. It still works but spits a bunch of notices when you use it. You @cut the cake.

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siddharthshyniben profile image
Siddharth Author

Thousands of cakes line up to have themselves cut. Halfway through the connection times out.

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inhuofficial profile image
InHuOfficial

Yeah that is better than mine! 🀣

Thread Thread
bdelespierre profile image
Benjamin Delespierre

Maybe β€œ@cut the cake or die hungry” πŸ˜‚

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siddharthshyniben profile image
Siddharth Author

If you get them all, congrats! If you don't, just ask!

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bdelespierre profile image
Benjamin Delespierre • Edited

SQL you try to join cakes and knives on cakes.knife_id = knives.id, the intersection is empty because the cake hasn’t been cut before. You can’t insert new cake because of unique constraint on flavor. You decide to go cut carrots instead

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aheisleycook profile image
privatecloudev

I love them