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[Off Topic] Should a developer marry another developer? What are the chances?

Shahriar Siraj Snigdho
Bangladeshi living in Sweden πŸ‡§πŸ‡©πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ͺ Software Engineer | Tech Enthusiast
・1 min read

Discussion (52)

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Pablo

The next Friday I will marry with a developer.

I explain her Design Patterns, OOP, dependency injection and synchronization problems.
She explains me Curryfication, Monads, Express and Webpack.

Its really fun to share the subjects that we love :).

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Shahriar Siraj Snigdho Author

Awesome. Good luck in advance!

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nullpo profile image
Pablo • Edited

Thank you for the coolnes :D. Now I'm cooking, and she is coding for a freelance job, with HIMYM as background noise <3

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shahriarsiraj profile image
Shahriar Siraj Snigdho Author

How is the marriage working out? :P

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Pablo

Great! And now she es pregnant! <3

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shahriarsiraj profile image
Shahriar Siraj Snigdho Author

Congratulations! Junior developer is on his/her way.. The first thing he/she will say is, Hello world! :D

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Lee Comstock • Edited

No, you shouldn't marry ever. To get married is to import a heck load of dependencies into your life that could break at any moment.

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Cat

Hahahaha I like this. +1 for you.

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MetaDave πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ί

I once met a woman through a dating site – she was a Rails developer and I was an Oracle data warehouse architect-turned-manager and hating it.

Now we're married and working together.

I have no complaints.

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Darius

:) When I read that, I was expecting a twist like... "...but she was a Rails programmer, so I called it off",ha ha.

All the best to you.

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Isaac Lyman

I didn't marry a dev, but neither did my wife. She married a pre-law student. I married a high school physics teacher. Now I'm a full-time dev, and she's still a physics teacher but she's pretty handy with Mathematica, LaTeX and MyOpenMath, where she codes quizzes for her students to take.

We don't talk about code a lot. Part of it is that we know totally different programming languages. But there's so much more to us than what we do at work. I honestly don't think there's anything less important in a marriage than whether you have the same career path. I married my best friend and for all I care she could be a deep sea diver.

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Kasey Speakman • Edited

On the one hand, I think it would be nice to be able to talk about interesting dev topics / experiences. But on the other hand, what if you disagree about fundamentals like tabs vs spaces? πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯

It could also be really disappointing when one of you is super interested in dev and the other just does it for a job and isn't really interested in talking about it outside of work. In this case, it may not be much different from marrying a non-dev.

Then what if you are both focused devs and you start to become competitive with one another. I guess some people thrive on that, too.

At the end of the day, like any other marriage, it depends on two people willing to stick together and work things out.

Edit: I don't mean to imply that dev-to-dev marriages are destined for trouble. The ideal scenario is that it works out just right, and you have a deeper level of sharing with them than you would otherwise. But the above is just to point out that marrying a dev doesn't guarantee that.

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David J Eddy

If the other person prefers tabs, run away, fast. ;)

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Ted Hagos

Would it matter if the other prefers 2, 4 or 8 spaces for indents; or K & R style curly braces :)

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Den McHenry

Dev elopers share a private connection.

"HTTPS: I love you."

"With this string, I thee web."

I'm done.

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kaelscion

Absolutely! And when you want to dish on the other people you work with, you can very easily be like

SSH:
<<< Oh my God, Kevin in sales is SUCH A WHINY DOUCHE!!

I KNOW RIGHT?!? Two weeks till launch and he wants us to add what? Why is it that "high producer" pretty much ALWAYS means "perpetual pain in the ass"!!


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Nick Karnik

Haha, brilliant!

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Dinesh Pandiyan

Pairing at its finest :)

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Phil Ashby

One dev/dev couple I know of where I work, they work in different departments but take lunch together and have been doing that successfully for 35 years :)

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Lea Reimann πŸ¦„

That's cute :)

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David J Eddy

That...is one of the cuties things I have ever heard.

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Sarah Bartley

This answer will vary for every relationship and each person. I've seen couples throughout tech who are both devs so it is possible. But it is ok if people don't marry devs. Developers marrying another a developer are just like every relationship. Both people need to put in the work and effort to make it work.

I've never been married, but I began learning how to code when I was in a relationship. I learned from that relationship that I don't care if my future partner is a developer or not. What I do care about is if he's supportive of my career and understanding of what life for a dev is like.

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Mike Oram

Myself and my partner are both Devs. Iv been doing it quite a lot longer than her but we work in different stacks. It's great to be able to talk about the ups and downs of work and know the other understands, while neither being an expert in the others technologies means we are unable to critisise each other. Works very well for us.

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Jessica Bell

I am marrying my developer partner in less than 2 weeks! We really enjoy both understanding the struggles and pain points of being developers. Plus we code together which is super fun! We have complementary tech stacks but not the EXACT same which means we both learn from each other! Plus, networking is alway more fun with a partner!

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Pablo

It seems than may is a great month for dev:dev love <3 dev.to/nullpo/comment/38ko

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Lucio Rossi

According to Stackoverflow demographics the percent ratio between male and female devs is like 97 to 3. According to Alfred Kinsey 10% of the world male population is gay(ish). According to me, you shouldn't marry, period.

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SharmaPurnima • Edited

Yes, It will be amazing.If a developer marries another developer ,he/she will have following advantages:
1.Freedom to give long hours on your passion:Being from the same profession your partner understands how much dedication it needs to be in this field..So he/she will never question you spending long hours working on your passion.
2.Helping Hand:Your partner can become your helping hand during project deadline ;)

3.Learning Companion:A Developer is always interested in learning new technologies,and that too becomes more interesting when you have a good learning companion with u.
4.Competitor who motivates: Developers love challenges.You can take part in coding competitions/hackathons together,and can cherish that lovely moments too.You can enjoy the success moments of each other.
5.Productive Discussions:Instead of wasting time on gossips you can do productive discussions on new ideas/technologies/topics that you love to discuss.
6.Listener & Problem Solver:Being from same profession your partner understands the positive/negative sides of your job.Your partner can become a good listener for you as he/she can relate with that stuffs and also he/she can help you to solve that problem from his/her experiences in the same field.
7.Help to grow:Your can help each other in career growth and improving each others skill if someone is lacking somethng, personally & professionally.
8.Coding Nights:Imagine the idea of staying awake whole night and code together :)

this all seems exciting to a developer but what matters the most is.. Do you love that person whom you gonna marry?If answer is yes,then go for it..Simple

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Jose Gonzalez

It is possible!

Through my career, I think I have met 3 developer couples. They seem to make it work somehow. :)

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Ashish Vishwakarma • Edited

Programmer wants his gf/bf to code beside him/her, and solve problems together. I believe if they will marry each other, it will be rocking. But life is not a hackathon, so apart from coding they should understand each other like any other couple.

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Dustin King

Non-serious answers:

  • Only if they can agree on tabs-vs-spaces.
  • If your technical choices (language, framework, editor, ...) don't fill each other with rage.
  • "So which one of you is the front-end and which is the back-end?"

Honestly though, I have no idea. I'm squeamish about the concept of marriage in general, but I'm inclined to say if you find someone to be in love with, persist that state.

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David J Eddy

:D :heart:

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Mitchell Wong Ho

Dev:Dev have the same chance of success as everyone else.

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K • Edited

Probably depends what you expect from a partner.

There are far less female devs than male ones, so if you are into women chances are probably slim.

On the other hand, many devs group at dev specific events, so the few that exist are easier to spot, but be careful, for many devs it's just a job and they want to keep all interactions strictly professional.

I'm living polyamor, which not many people do, so I had to go to specific events to find partners, but since polyamory is about love, the people at these event expected to meet potential partners, which isn't the case for dev events :)

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Lynne Finnigan

I’m a front-end dev married to a mobile dev. Been together about 13 years, married for 2 years. It’s nice to have someone understand your day to day job, but other than that, it doesn’t come up much! Not the most important thing.

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Cat

It depends on the people, really. No one could generalize how dev + dev romantic relationships work.

All I know is that we can talk about work gripes and glories without explaining too heavily what the components of our accomplishments are.

However, since I work at a certain place, they take advantage of that fact and floods our chat with, "Hey, this isn't working."

Most of the time my response is,

"Dude, like, that's not even my department. I mean I could go yell at an engineer but I wouldn't even know if they're the right one.

... Fine. I'll just replicate the bug and send it off."

Anyway, best of luck to you, mate. Hope you find yourself in a wonderful relationship with whomever you choose.

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Alex Miasoiedov

How to resolve merge conflicts then ?

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Pablo

With a good Prenuptial agreement

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JameGrosh

Hello everyone, the article is cool. I declare with confidence that you can find yourself a person who, just like you, is engaged in development. For example, I met my girlfriend. She also works in this area. We have been together for 9 months now. And we are extremely happy, we will soon have a wedding. We found each other through
topasianbrides.com/ . Maybe someone will be useful.
I highly recommend)

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Ben Halpern

I've met plenty of happy dev couples. I'm sure it's nice to share the interest but it's also pretty great to unwind with someone who doesn't know the pain of pushing pixels and shipping code.

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Shahriar Siraj Snigdho Author

I should have written this post in another way. I'm newly married and I now wish that I should have married a programmer girl because she would know me better. But even though, who knows?

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Ben Halpern

That's a very honest thing to say!

But the grass is always greener on the other side. There would be issues no matter what. I think "knowing" someone goes deeper than your career, education or hobbies. You should look to make it work. Show an interest in her activities and develop a good partnership.

Occasionally check in with one another to see if there were any missed moments of connection, where one of you failed to show an interest in something the other was doing, and then talk about how you can make the moment more pleasant next time.

I'd recommend the book Don't Sweat the Small Stuff to help manage some of these feelings.

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Rachel Adler

Shared careers aren't the only way to emotionally connect with someone. When I started dating my boyfriend 6 years ago, he was a dev and I was an archivist. I switched fields 2 years ago because the job market for library science is awful in my area, and my boyfriend convinced me to try some online programming tutorials, and I actually liked it and didn't suck at it like I thought I would.

That being said, we still got to know each other really well the first 4 years we were together. We share a lot of interests and introduced each other to hobbies. I got him into anime and LARPing, he got me into fountain pens and tea, and we both were already into board games, video games, table top RPGs, Star Trek, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

I don't think I know him any better just because I'm now a dev. While it's nice to have someone around to help me debug, I think it's just another shared interest. We don't spend that much time talking about programming; we connect more over our hobbies and common beliefs.

Do you have any other shared interests/hobbies with your wife? Try connecting with those. Do your personalities mesh? Do you have similar world views? I think these things are a lot more important than whether she knows why the undocumented legacy code you've been working on is awful and ruined your day.

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Kasey Speakman • Edited

It is pretty natural to play the "what if" game. There is always something that you wish was different about the other person. Focusing on what's missing leads to a bad place. (And anyway, I don't believe marrying a dev would have any better guarantees as my post above says.) Instead focus on the things you are thankful for about that person and you will have a much better experience.

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David J Eddy

Why do I see a new dating site arising from this? dev-to-dev.love :S

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Shannon Crabill

For me personally I do not see being a developer as a must have in a life partner.

My partner is tech savvy which on its own is a big plus.

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Fyodor

I would recommend UI designer - very convenient. She draws, you implement... no holy wars, no stresses, great opportunity to be a hero in her eyes... the real gentleman choice)

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Shahriar Siraj Snigdho Author

Wow. Sounds romantic...

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Chastina Li πŸ‘©πŸ»β€πŸ’»

I'm in DevOps, and I married a fullstack dev last month :D
I help him with AWS and bash.
He helps me with CSS.

It's been great.

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Nate

If you are both first generation programmers does that mean your kids will be second generation? Then they'll have kids and you'll finally get JavaScript!

Sorry couldn't resist the joke!

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Hesham Abo El-Magd

I don't think why not. Great minds think alike. At the end of the day there will something to speak about during dinner but it would be nicer to have different work places.

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SoteroX

I think it would be cool to marry another dev, but the problem is I don't know any female developer. Most girls around me work in a warehouse or are becoming a CNA

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Ghost

Make sure she uses Tabs not Spaces... :-)

Congratulations, and good luck to you both!