I have had a few conversations recently with people that are struggling to tell those they love what support they need. This bothers me, since it should be a straight forward issue.
Because of these conversations, I wrote this article.
Here are a few things to consider for those of us that overthink things in our lives ...
- The Problem is rarely The Problem
- Avoid Self-Rejection
- Silence and Time
- An Important Question
- The Power of Now
- Fact Check your own Thoughts
- Acceptance is Peace
- Health Starts in your Mind
The Problem is rarely the problem.
The problem is in our head the vast majority of the time. The problem is within us. It is simply our thoughts.
It is rarely reality, what actually happens, and the outcomes that are the problem.
Most of the time, the problem is not the problem. The way we think about problems is ...
Avoid Self-Rejection
"I don't deserve this opportunity" ... apply for it anyways.
"The article I am writing isn't good enough" ... publish it anyway.
"They probably won't even return my call" ... call anyway.
Please, do not overthink yourself into self-rejection ...
Silence and Time
The truth is that most problems are not solved with more thought. They are often solved with less thinking.
I've found that most answers come to me in silence, at a time when I have a clear mind.
If that problem is fighting you, stop fighting. Step away and stop trying to solve it ...
An Important Question
When we start criticizing ourselves for past mistakes, seeing disaster right around the corner, we should ask ...
Is there anything I can do right now to change the past or positively influence the future?
If the answer is "yes," then do it ... take action.
If the answer is "no," then let it go.
Take action or let it go. Everything else will become self-harm ...
The Power of Now
We cannot overthink our way to a better future.
We definitely are not going to overthink our way to a better past.
All we have is NOW.
And, what we can do with NOW can make our past right and improve our future.
Make peace with yesterday, let go of tomorrow, and hold on to NOW ...
Fact-Check your own Thoughts
Our thoughts will create scenarios that reflect our insecurities, fears, and worries.
It is important to always fact-check our own thoughts before accepting them. In highly emotional situations, our thoughts will tell us stories that are not true.
Fact check your thoughts ...
Acceptance is Peace
No amount of anxiety will change our future. No amount of regret will change our past.
Peace is found in acceptance ...
- Accept imperfections.
- Accept uncertainty.
- Accept the uncontrollable.
We don't have to understand, tolerate, or even forget something. But to find peace, we must accept it ...
Health Starts in your Mind
We can go to the gym, eat healthy, do yoga, drink water, and take vitamins. But, if we do not directly confront the negativity in our thoughts, we will never be truly healthy.
Our health is not measured on scales, by the size of our muscles, or the width of our waist.
True health is measured by the quality of our thoughts and the peacefulness of our mind.
Health starts in our mind ...
A Personal Note
All of these have hit me at times, and I often find myself advising someone about overthinking.
My personal experience with code-reviews is a case-in-point.
When I first started getting code-reviews of "my code" I found myself getting angry. I was writing great code ... it felt like I was getting attacked daily.
Source: xkcd.com
Then, one day I realized that it wasn't "my code." It was my client's code.
From that point on, the code-reviews (which hadn't changed) were actually helpful. My co-workers were simply looking to help me provide a better product.
I was so deep into my own thoughts and ownership of the code that I couldn't see the good that was right in front of me all the time.
Summary
For those of us that overthink things, remember ...
- The Problem is rarely The Problem
- Avoid Self-Rejection
- Silence and Time
- An Important Question
- The Power of Now
- Fact Check your own Thoughts
- Acceptance is Peace
- Health Starts in your Mind
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