**Discretion
Please note, reading this devjournal is at your discretion! Contents may be touching, dark or implicit!! The aim of this is to portray the transparency of becoming!!!
Today of all days, I feel so depressed and down. It’s just as though the truth of my reality is just dawning on me; no friends, no birthday calls, no birthday greetings, except for one from a new friend and upstanding colleague, which I do not and would not take for granted. It has been a very long time since I experienced my birthday this way, as far back as 2016, my first year on the university campus. Years after that, it has always been some form of celebration in one way or the other.
Maybe there are some pending demons I need to surface and deal with for my next level of success, I don’t know. But this feeling of sadness and depression is so real and heavy in my heart; I am not praying for it to go, no I am not; I want to really understand the motives behind this depressive state, especially on a day like today that is supposed to be a very happy day of my life.
Over the course of my personal transition, I have lost a lot of properties, and people, those very close to my dear heart. I have been a very tough and strong person in the past few years, one who stood his ground and made sure things happen according to the way they needed to be. I was an enthusiastic and innovative leader, back then, built a growing company which successfully financed a number of projects that generated and made a number of positive impacts to the university environment, where the company’s office was situated.
The future was bright, it still is, I was always committed to the goal that every individual was connected to their core purpose of life and discover their enact potential of creativity that exist after above the hearsay of many negative pressure from society and its kind.
When you put in the work, no one can deny you of the results!
Although I believe that if I had known more as I have now, I could have done many other things better, I could have being more lenient in how I expressed my thoughts with my team and many other important people in my life.
Well it’s never too late. I am 24 today and I am happy about that.
In 2020, during the pandemic, I started noticing my need to switch, to go out, to becoming more, but in the midst of this stood fear in my gap of becoming. I was overwhelmed with fear of losing all that I already have gathered, people, influence, properties, equipment; my fear blinded me so much that I didn't dare to lookout to see if there is a possible alternative to addressing this inner issues baltttling within me.
My fear became masked with pride and unknowing anger. Slowly, I became over-concious in how I was expressing myself to the people in my life; I became withdrawn, I began to live a one-man lifestyle which wasn't the usual me before then. Although, this phase made me discover and learnt a lot, it was still in the midst of fear.
Understanding is a vital key to success, personal attainment and achievements.
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