This we_coded, I wanna talk for a bit about feminism and how my stance on it changed when I learned what it was really all about.
Getting schooled in Feminism 🍎
I remember being in a college English class way back in ~2010 and the teacher asked us all:
Who here would consider themselves to be a feminist?
Almost nobody raised their hands. There were only a handful of women who raised their hands and just as many women who didn't. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't raise my hand. The teacher (a man) slowly raised his hand after asking the question.
With a smile on his face, he then asked one of the students who had a hand up why she was a feminist and she explained succinctly, "Because I believe in equality!"
Instantly, a guy in the class spoke up, "Then why do you think the world should be centered around women?"
"I don't," she responded. "I acknowledge the reality that the world has been more centered around men and I don't want it to be centered around anybody. I just want it to be more equal for women. This is why I'm a feminist."
Her words hung in the air for a minute while we all absorbed what she said. The teacher of the class chimed in "That's a really good reason. That's why I'm a feminist too." He then continued to explain what exactly feminism meant and how to look at the world (specifically how to read literature) through a feminist lens.
Wow I thought. I had written off the idea of feminism purely on its name. Without any knowledge of it, my immature self assumed that it was a worldview centered around women's perspectives and that it somehow placed more importance on women than men. I didn't realize that the goal was for equality and that the perspective being shared was more about acknowledging the systemic unjust treatment of women in a world that was dominated by men.
Look up "feminism" and the definition you'll get from Oxford dictionary is:
the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.
Equality is right there in the definition! Any real definition for the word makes it clear that the goal is equality.
I think many men (my past self included) hear feminism and think that it's one-sided, in favor of only women. We get defensive. We think about our own experiences and how we're not bad guys; we're not personally mistreating women. But that's not really what it's about — we're being too self-absorbed and not thinking bigger picture!
When we act this way, we're simply not listening. Instead, we're closing ourselves off and making up our minds without taking into account the many personal experiences women have recounted to us, centuries of history where women have been repressed, and the reality of the inequities folks continue to face based on gender today.
The point is, if you don't like the way "feminism" sounds, you're kinda missing the point. If you believe that folks should be treated equally regardless of their sex and acknowledge that we've still got work to do to make things fairer for women, then you should consider yourself a feminist! I acknowledge that my initial idea of what feminism was about was completely wrong. Now, I'm proud to say I'm a feminist.
So what's the connection to we_coded?
I think sometimes folks see a celebration like we_coded (previously SheCoded) and they instantly feel like it's divisive. It's not though, it's actually the opposite! By amplifying the voices of folks who have been marginalized or mistreated based on gender, we're validating their experiences and lifting them up. We're trying to make things more equal by giving a voice to these issues and acknowledging that we still have work to do.
So, if you find yourself in a similar position to how I felt previously, keep your mind and ears open. Listen to folks' experiences empathetically. Understand that the goal really is for equality. Don't shut folks down or use semantics to twist what they're saying into something it's not just because you have a preconception about what you think they're talking about. Genuniely listen and you'll likely hear from folks who are calling for equality and/or describing the inequalities that they've faced. It might be tough to hear but it's good to be aware of this stuff so that we can make things better.
Lastly, everything I'm saying very much applies to transgender, nonbinary, gender-nonconforming, and two-spirit folks as well. Wherever you land on the gender spectrum, you deserve support, respect, to be listened to, and to be treated as an equal.
Much love to all! 💚
Top comments (19)
I had an inkling that was going to happened, but their dismissal of my concerned still left me feeling annoyed. Thankfully, I had you and other men step in and shut him up. It goes to show you that change happens when allies truly take action.
Spot on !!... Fostering Inclusivity promoting equal opportunities and rights...
First of all great post!, It's important to approach the feminist perspective with respect for the various perspectives within their movement, sometimes the question of whether men can be called "feminists" is sensitive and has no single, universally accepted answer.
Different voices within feminism offer diverse perspectives:
Some believe men can be feminists: This viewpoint emphasizes the importance of everyone, regardless of gender, working towards gender equality. It encourages men to actively challenge sexism and dismantle patriarchal structures that benefit them, acknowledging that their support is crucial for meaningful change.
Others suggest "pro-feminist" is more appropriate for men: This perspective recognizes the historical differences in women's and men's experiences with systemic oppression. It encourages men to acknowledge these differences, avoid centering themselves within the movement, and focus on amplifying women's voices while advocating for feminist goals without claiming the "feminist" label.
Some believe men should not call themselves feminists: This view, often associated with "male-exclusionary feminism," argues that men cannot truly understand the lived experiences of women and the ongoing struggles they face. They believe men, even with good intentions, can unknowingly reinforce patriarchal structures through their actions and language.
It's crucial to be respectful of the diverse perspectives within feminism and engage in empathetic listening to understand the different viewpoints and experiences that inform these perspectives. This allows for constructive conversations about how everyone, regardless of gender, can contribute most effectively to building a more just and equitable society.
Open communication and an empathetic approach are key to navigating these diverse perspectives.
Gorgeous post! Love.
Feminism become such an umbrella-term that it is very easy to advocate for it or to dismiss it, purely, because the views and folks in it a very diverse. It's a brand that is constantly being attacked and at the same time fear is instilled in people about it.
The tactics employed are finding a couple of extremists (which in such a diverse and large group there always will be) and amplify their voices.
Maybe it would be easier to advocate for concrete measures, like listening to everyone with empathy. Or advocating for understanding the whole spectrum of neurology, the natural variance of mental states and the fact that not everyone's gender will match their sexes.
I have felt that talking about concrete issues are generally better received then the (mostly externally) overpoliticized term of feminism.
In our daily lives though, it is important to catch casual sexisms in the act. Calling out your colleague who wants to "unbutton her shirt a bit more" (more of this in my next article), or the colleague who thinks "men must get conscripted to learn respect of authority".
The moment we stop normalizing this we are going to be the force of change.
This is a really thoughtful comment, András!
You're right that so many folks out there try to make "feminism" fit their agenda, and they cherry-pick the most extreme instances to label as "feminist" to try and paint a picture that isn't really representative of how most feminists think and behave. It's messed up!
I love your point about focusing on the concrete issues... getting folks to listen and treat each other empathetically is something that everybody should be down with! People get so hung up on the terminology that they just stop listening. I think sometimes we should all just stop and say hey let's really break down what these words mean to make sure that we're talking about the same thing. I'm a feminist because I agree with X, Y, & Z. It sounds like you don't like feminism because A, B, & C... Am I right? I think in many instances, we'll find that we agree more than we disagree. And if we do disagree, at least we'll know what the heck we actually disagree on.
Anywho, thanks so much for chiming in here! Appreciate ya.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply, I really appreciated it!
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Some people see more extreme behaviors in the name of feminism and see that as the desired destination of feminism rather than equality. That's wrong, but equality doesn't magically happen by people asking for it. Majorities don't take to the streets to demonstrate their privilege, only those seeking justice need to demonstrate and call attention to their cause.
Do some people take feminism further than equality in pursuit of equality? Yes, and they should. A repressed group must, at times, demonstrate that they want more by showing extremes. Emily Davidson's protest for the right to vote cost her everything.
I believe when we see protest, no matter how uncomfortable we find it, we should use it as a mirror to look at ourselves and see if we can spot what is wrong.
Great post!
I used to frequently find myself in the position of having to defend why I am a feminist to both men and women around me. I always knew I was a feminist even before I understood what it meant. But there was a stereotype around the word some people say feminists mean "man hater" or just some jargon. At some point, I felt like I had to say things like "I'm a feminist who doesn't hate men". When I read "We Should All Be Feminists" book I felt so seen.
It's interesting that during IWD one of the common things you hear is "But we don't celebrate men's day".
I hope more people read this and get educated.
Equality and opportunity are all that we all want and deserve. 💙
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Wonderfully written, thank you ❤
Thanks so much Vendangi! Really appreciate it. 😀
Love this!
Thanks a bunch, John. I'm glad to hear this one resonated with ya! 🙂
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