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When you feel like you can't do it...

Full stack developer and Hawaiian shirt lover from the UK. I love cheese, real ale and playing the drums :->
・2 min read

✨Hey ladies and non-binary friends!✨

What do you do when today is just one of those days? If you're the only software engineer around who's not a cis man, you might get times where you feel like you're not as good as the lads; like you have a mountain to climb in order to prove that they hired the right person; like you can't do it.

I have a huge learning curve ahead of me so I sometimes find myself feeling like that. Today that's not been helped by one of my colleagues standing up and declaring, for the second time, that a mate of his in Brecon shat in a bag the other day and had to take it home with him. This hilarious story was so impressive that he had to tell it twice. Watch out Jimmy Carr, someone's coming for your comedy crown! 👑

Sometimes I can't help but wonder 'How is is possible that this berk gets paid more than me?'. No amount of eye rolling can help you when it's just one of those days. Luckily for you, I have some practical nuggets that I find help assuage the negativity!

  • Go for a wander (outside is best, but simply walking and stretching in the office does me a world of good too)
  • Book a meeting room and meditate/do yoga/do pushups
  • Make a soothing cuppa
  • Ring a loved one
  • Write down on a piece of paper what's worrying you and logically evaluate whether there is sufficient evidence to merit worrying about it. Usually there is not! 😄

So be kind to yourself. YOU CAN DO IT 🚀 Are there any practical nuggets you have that can help too?

Discussion (6)

lazerfx profile image
Peter Street

I'm a cis, white, British male in Britain. Developer for 20+ years, normal guy. That sort of immature, stupid idiocy is something I've never understood and never wanted to be part of; for other reasons people like that make me take a walk and recover (How is that idiot employed? If that's the future of this company, we're screwed).

Admittedly, I'd never thought things through from your point of view, but I can see it's bad. I hope you find somewhere supportive to work: there's may things we need support for, from being a non-CiS-male in this predominantly male work market, to being a PoC, having mental health issues, to haaving family issues, or even just having a day off. So let's hope we can all support each other through whatever issues we're having, and work together to make things better.

evieskinner18 profile image
Evie Author

Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment bro! Don't want you to get the wrong impression, River is a fantastic and very supportive place to work and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to other women/non binary people too. I will say 'shat in a bag story man' is the only person like that in my workplace, so I wouldn't want people to think that I'm moaning about my job specifically... just about 'shat in a bag story men' in general. Thank you for being our ally! 😁

bittnkr profile image
bittnkr • Edited

How is is possible that this berk gets paid more than me?

I think if you stop losing your time worrying about gender differences and instead just work hard to make that thing work, maybe you may be paid more than they.

Professionally speaking, what really matter is to do your work right, proof your value and then you can set your price.

You can call me a berk for saying this, but I'm just a human being like you.

And to me, doesn't matter if you are man, woman, cis, gay, vegan, muslin, black, white or neither.

And after your list of good advices, I just add:

  • Stop classifying people, because this is source of suffering.

  • Love yourself, do your work and after that whatever you want.

  • Better to be happy than right.

evieskinner18 profile image
Evie Author

I think you're a bit out of your depth here mate.

bittnkr profile image
bittnkr • Edited

Sure. I knew that the moment I pressed submit. I'm definitively not a shallow person.

As I said: Better to be happy than right.
I really don't want to hurt your feelings, and wish you only the best.

ben profile image
Ben Halpern