These are my notes on Nadia van der Vlies's No-nonsense Leadership.

It contains quite practical advice, but it is not software/engineering specific.

Keeps the trend on other leadership books: Empower people by letting them find their own solutions.

Key Insights

• Mature leadership:
  • High empathy, High honesty.
  • Treat others as equals.
  • Everybody can self-manage.
  • Empower people to come up with solutions.
  • Bidirectional trust.
• New behaviours are acquired by doing, doing and doing.
• To keep control, take ownership:

• Keep sharing the mission, vision and strategy.
• You are no longer one of your (ex-)co-workers.
• Performance reviews:
  • Negative reviews should never come as a surprise.
  • Make notes through the year.
  • Would I hire this employee if they were applying for their current position?
• Give compliments regularly:
  • Stimulate culture where people speak positively about others.
  • Be specific.
• If you want your employees to feel safe, you have to show some vulnerability.
• Coaching:
  • Coaching means biting your tongue a lot.
  • A success is an attempt to change behaviour, even if the attempt failed.
  • Coachee is responsible for his personal development.
• To reflect is to learn.
• If you work hard, other wont have to.
• Respectful confrontation.
• Delivering bad news.

TOC

• 1 - No-Nonsense Leadership
• 2 - Leadership Skills
• 3 - Leader, Manager, Coach
• 4 - Leader
• 5 - Manager
• 6 - Coach
• 7 - Reflexes
• 8 - Tricky Situations
• 9 - The truism of no-nonsense leadership

Chapter 1 - No-Nonsense Leadership

• Mature model based on Transactional Analysis.
• Mature:
  • Treat others as equals.
  • Everybody is a responsible human being.
  • Everybody can self-manage.
  • Coaching leadership style.
  • Empower people to come up with solutions.
  • Honest.
  • Conscious and considerate choice.
  • Bidirectional trust.
• You need:
  • Empathy.
  • Honesty.
• Pitfalls:
  • Mother:
    • High empathy. Low Honesty.
    • Always eager to help.
    • Effects:
      • Takes away responsibility, hence opportunity to grow.
      • Leader become overworked.
  • Macho:
    • Low empathy. High Honesty.
    • I know better attitude. Judgemental.
    • Effects:
      • Obedient or rebel employees.
      • Takes away responsibility, hence opportunity to grow.
  • Mole:
    • Low empathy. Low Honesty.
    • Avoids confronting issues.
    • Effects:
      • Nothing is improved.
• Pitfalls are not pitfalls if you consciously chose them and don’t use them often.

Chapter 2 - Leadership Skills

• Situational leadership:
  • Use a different kind of leadership depending on employee task maturity.
  • Task Maturity:
    • Willingness to do the task.
    • Ability to perform it.
    • Levels M1 to M6:
      • M1: Loads of detailed instructions.
      • M2: Still lots of instructions, but also explain the why.
      • M3: Focus on person, not task.
    • How to asses task maturity? Ask employee.

• Taking ownership:
  • Keep your values in mind.
  • When things do not go as expected, to keep control you have to:

• Conversations:
  • Keep three perspectives: yours, the others, that of an objective observer.
  • Active listening:
    • Listen.
    • Recap:
      • Use your own words unless is a delicate matter.
      • Content and feelings.
    • Keep asking questions.
    • Tolerate silences.
  • Stay in control:
    • Commit: set the goal.
    • Monitor: check if the talking is relevant.
    • Off topic: draw attention and ask if it is relevant.
    • Difficult interaction: draw attention and ask why.
    • Two tracks: commit again.

Chapter 3 - Leader, Manager, Coach

• You are no longer one of your (ex-)co-workers.
• Leader before Manager or Coach.

Chapter 4 - Leader

• Enthusiastic, authentic.
• Keep sharing the mission, vision and strategy.
• Know and learn company values.
• Motivate and inspire:
  • Share conclusions and reasoning.
  • Show appreciation.
  • Repeat yourself.
  • Connect.

Chapter 5 - Manager

• Translates Vision to Goals:
  • Employee translates goals to solutions.
  • Let employees have a say on their goals to create greater commitment.
• Monitor and review results and behaviours:
  • Respectful confrontation:
    • Step 0: reflect if it is you or the employee.
    • Step 1: Expose facts and only facts.
      • Use first person.
      • No judgement.
      • Be very specific.
    • Step 2: The effect it causes.
      • I think + I feel + I act.
    • Step 3: Ask "Is this something you recognize?"
    • Step 4: Explain your request/desire.
    • This is the kick-off for a conversation.
    • Dealing with responses:
      • Reflect on feeling.
      • Explain.
      • Guess underlying need.
      • Express your need.
      • Make your request/proposal.
• Asses and adjust:
  • Performance review:
    • Your employee is never your equal.
    • Demotivating for others if poor performing coworkers get same pay raises.
    • Make notes through the year.
    • Would I hire this employee if they were applying for their current position?
    • SMART goals.
    • Start with the good things.
    • Negative reviews should never come as a surprise.
    • Ask for feedback on the assessment.
  • Give compliments regularly:
    • Stimulate culture where people speak positively about others.
    • Honest.
    • Specific.
    • Do not delay it.
  • Delivering bad news:
    1. Deliver the blow:
       • Go straight to the bad news.
       • Give one or two reasons.
    2. Manage the reaction:
       • Be understanding. Do not justify yourself.
       • Give space. Do not fill silences.
    3. Solution, explanation, follow up appointment:
       • Wait for the employee to be ready. When she starts asking "why" or "what now"
       • Reiterate reasons.
       • Maybe follow up with another meeting.

Chapter 6 - Coach

• Coaching as a manager is more difficult as you already expect something from your employee.
• Do not give tips or advice.
• Coachee comes with their own problems and solutions.
• Coachee is responsible for his personal development.
• Accept what it is, without judging. Emphatic.
• Pitfalls:
  • Comparing and going one worse.
  • Educating and giving advice.
  • Playing down the problem.
  • Interrogating.
  • Psychoanalyzing.
  • Join in and making it worse.
• Walk ins with no clear question or need:
  • Respectful interrogation.
  • Emotion reflection.
  • What do you want from me? What is your question?
  • Commit: on condition, now, later, never.
• Coaching without a coaching goal is pointless.
• Marteen Kouwenhoven coaching matrix 4 doors:
  1. Thought door: get the facts.
  2. Emotions door: why is this a problem to be solved?
  3. Needs door:
     • Positive opposite of emotions door.
     • Cannot be about others changing.
  4. Actions door:
     • Coachee should find her own solutions.
• Coaching means biting your tongue a lot.
• Celebrate success:
  • Start coaching session by talking about successes.
  • A success is an attempt to change behaviour, even if the attempt failed.
• Growth mindset:
  • Learning about fixed vs growth can get you out of the fixed mindset.
• If you want your employees to feel safe, you have to show some vulnerability.

Chapter 7 - Reflexes

• Beliefs that get on your way to do what you have to do.
• "Survival" strategies.

Chapter 8 - Tricky Situations

• Passive employee, defiant employee, moaning employee, ...
  • Respectful confrontation
• Top performing employee:
  • Sincere and explicit compliments.
  • Not everyone wants to develop further.
  • Check regularly so they dont get bored.
• Quarreling employees:
  • Employee should state exactly what she expects from you. This makes her responsible for the solution.
  • Employees should settle it themselves.
  • Make sure employees responsibilities are well defined.

Bonus 1 - The truism of no-nonsense leadership

• To reflect is to learn.
• The answer to most questions is "lets talk about it"
• If you have something to say, say it. If you have something to ask, ask it.
• If you work hard, other wont have to.
• New behaviours are acquired by doing, doing and doing.