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Craig Nicol (he/him)
Craig Nicol (he/him)

Posted on • Originally published at craignicol.wordpress.com on

“He never did that to me”

Men,

If you’ve never listened to women on the internet, take the opportunity.

Sleazeballs and fascists may never show their true face to you.

When they show their true face to others, stand and bear witness, or be complicit.

All it takes is for good men to do nothing.

Sure, he’s never like that to you, but where there’s bad words from who you thought were good people, believing good intent and giving the benefit of the doubt can embed their harm in your culture. Call them out. Let them prove good intent by using the experience to learn. If they improve you will see them re-centre the most vulnerable. If not, there was not good intent, just pronouncements from privilege that isn’t prepared to accept fault.

If you want to be good, learn the penguin hustle : keep the most vulnerable in the middle, and those privileged enough to be strong rotate at the edge. So when you feel weak or vulnerable, someone else will take your place. Don’t smother them, and please listen, but the most vulnerable will always suffer a shitstorm of abuse. They need allies to call it out so they’re not drowning in it.

Trust someone on their actions towards towards those who are more vulnerable, not to you who they see as an equal, and maybe a threat. Fear may keep them in place around you, but that’s just a mask to protect who they really are.

And don’t expect others to speak up. For some, simply existing is bringing politics to work.

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