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I lost my job because of COVID19.

amruthpillai profile image Amruth Pillai ・3 min read

I'm writing this as soon as I got off the call where they hit the nail right in the coffin of my career, so I might be blogging emotionally right now, which as we've all seen in the movie "The Social Network", is the best thing to do right now.

As a brief background, let me summarise my fucked up situation. I used to work in a quaint little startup in Bangalore, India, where I currently live. I've given about 2 years of my life to that startup, watching it grow from its inception. Then, I made the big decision to decide to move closer to my girlfriend, who is in Berlin, Germany right now. In the first month of searching for a job, I got it. I couldn't believe my luck. I got through 3 rounds of interviews, they loved my profile and my technical skills and when I spoke to the CTO, they immediately offered me the job. It was the happiest day of my life.

I risked everything, did the whole 9 yards. I left my company, I told my family about the great news, I shared the big news about me moving there finally and got her hopes up. I honestly felt like I did the right thing for once in my life.

Fast forward to now, just getting off the call where the whole dream of me moving to Germany has been axed off, it's becoming a little hard to find a reason to even be alive right now. My career has been everything to me since a very young age. If you've been a part of my life's journey, all I've ever done is code, code, code, all in the hopes for a good job, stable life, and to be able to protect my family.

I can't blame anyone, to be honest. It's just the hand that I've been dealt with. I've never been a gambling man, but for some reason, it feels like I gambled in my current life to get a better life, and a bouncer called Corona beat the shit out of me. Things feel bleak right now. My dad is supportive, my girlfriend is in tears, as am I.

I spent the better part of this whole lockdown and being unemployed, building two-three products, all open-sourced, just to help people. I believe in karma a lot. The good you do to others will come back to you. So I didn't work on anything else but just kept building ideas that would help people. Ironically, I made a resume builder that I would have to use now to apply for jobs. It's fine if you laughed at that last part... I did.

There's no wrongdoing by anyone here. The company that was going to hire me, they did the difficult thing by calling me and telling it to my face, they promised that if things do get back to normal, that they would get back to me, but they don't know when normal is... I truly respected them for it, and have no remorse.

This news comes only a day later after I released my new website where I had proudly stated, that I got a job with a startup in Germany of all places. Almost a dozen people wrote back to me asking how I did it, how I made the transition. I felt like I was inspiring so many others who dreamed of the same, that they could do it. Now, it just feels heartbreaking.

I'm writing all of this, I guess, not for the likes, not for the sympathy, but... just because I shouldn't go crazy drowned in my own sorrows. I didn't want to burden my girlfriend to have to listen to me cry. I didn't want my dad to feel bad looking at his son's break down. I didn't want to share the humiliating reversal of good news with my friends who had such high hopes and genuine happiness for me.

So, moving on... (yes, I know it's been less than an hour since the call, but we gotta move on some time)... what's next? Do I look for a job here in Bangalore? Do I try my luck again and maybe get another job in Berlin? Do I ask for my old job back? Do I wait out the Corona Roller Coaster and hope they call me back?

I'm not without options, I'm just without hope.

Thank you for reading.

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Amruth Pillai

@amruthpillai

Designer and Developer. The very last of my kind. I belong both on Dribbble and GitHub.

Discussion

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After reading this post, I am really sad and I can relate.
This summer as a Google Code-In Grand Prize Winner, I was invited to Google's HQ in San Francisco together with other students.
It was a huge surprise for me since I've been working so hard for 2 months and I finally got it.
Or at least, I thought so. Three weeks later we got an email that our trip has been cancelled due to novel Corona.
Yeah, that same Corona that destroyed your dream job in Germany, also destroyed my dream of going to San Francisco. Truth to be told, we were awarded for our work in $$$, but no money in this world can replace a teenager's dream from Bosnia and Herzegovina (Where the heck is that?) of going to the US.

I am truly sorry that you had to go through this but you are not alone.
I know what you are feeling right now but sit for a minute and think about your achievement.
How many programmers from poor countries get a well-paid job in Germany/UK/US?
You are special because of how you are, you've achieved something really big and you should be proud of it. I am pretty sure that the company will get in touch with you as soon as things get better.

Don't lose your hope.

 

I'm really sorry for this Amruth. I think we all hit the bottom once in our lives. I hope that this is the very bottom end and that it only gets better for you.

By the way, thanks for open-sourcing your resume app! It looks really great. I'll let everyone in need know about this wonderful tool.

Keep up the good work!

 

Hi Amruth, Be strong. Life has so many directions and goals. Career is just only a part of life, not everything. Ignore the expectation or talks of people of the society or friends for now. You are already much privileged to get educated and more importantly nicest set of skills. Try to find freelance projects and applying for newer opportunities in the meantime.

Hope you and your family are healthy and safe. Ensure their mental and physical health on this hard time. Ensure your girlfriend's good health condition too. Discuss with closer ones but don't pass extreme tension to them which may hamper their health. You don't want that right now, right?

 

While looking for a new job, up-skill or add new skill sets to enhance your value, keep your time occupied with value added activity... there are still opportunities out there, if you do not seek it, someone else will.

 

I'm truly sorry for your bitter disappointment. It hurts so much now, but please know that you will bounce back from this. Your website is a great showcase for your intelligence, skill and creativity. Keep investing in yourself, and you'll be ready for future opportunities that are sure to arise.

 

I think it might be good to dig deep & reflect on why you are doing it. Sometimes the best way is to think & reflect on paper. You look at this to design your own Odyssey plan through it hopefully it helps to you a good context on what to do. Good luck.

 

Corona may have taken away your job, but not your dreams, your hope, your will and your power to code.
You did it once and you can do it again. Believe in yourself.

 

Geez buddy. I hope all goes well for you. Sadly I have nothing to offer but good vibes. So I'll just do that. You did it once you gonna be able to do it again. Try not to loose hope!

~Cheers

 

It sucks, my dude, but don't lose hope. Those options are your hope. Don't let this setback through you off the path you've chosen. Instead, stay strong and kick ass! Love your portfolio website btw.

 

I would keep your connections every where.

I wish you the best of luck and I would advise you to do what is best for you and your future, where ever it may lie. Best of luck friend.

 

Hang on buddy. You can do it.