What I Want My Manager to Know About Performance Feedback: An open letter from an individual contributor to managers everywhere

I’ve had 17 managers at 4 companies over the last 9 years. That’s a lot of manager turnover.

With each new manager comes new expectations. I have to re-learn how to navigate the new relationship every time.

How does this person prefer to communicate? What is their management style? What has their past work experience been like? What are their performance expectations for their direct reports? How do they navigate feedback, both giving and receiving?

Cultural differences and past work experiences shape each of our lives, and without a shared context of core principles, misunderstandings are bound to happen.

Each of my managers has had unique strengths and weaknesses. Some managers I’ve loved, and others not so much.

Regardless of my relationship with my manager, I’ve found a set of guiding principles that have shaped the way I think about feedback.

The following are concepts that I want my past, present, and future managers to know:

1. I want feedback, both positive and negative. I genuinely want to know how I’m doing. If things are going well, I want to know that my work is appreciated. Even more specifically, I want to know what behaviors and actions you like and what you want to see more of. When things are not going well, I want to know what you dislike and how I can course correct. Without feedback, I’ll likely continue doing what I’m doing, which is the best I can.

2. I want feedback frequently, immediately in the moment, and at least every couple weeks or during 1on1s. The earlier the feedback is given, the better. If something is wrong, tell me. I don’t want tension building up over weeks or months, especially if I don’t even know it’s there.

3. I don’t want surprises. I don’t want to learn that something that happened 4 months ago did not go well. I especially do not want to learn that something that happened 4 months ago did not go well and is now impacting my bonus, raise, or promotion opportunity. That’s not fair to any of us, especially if problems could have been easily corrected early on.

4. I want to know how I am being evaluated. Many companies I’ve worked at have had career ladders and leveling guides, which is helpful. However, the criteria for each level are often vague and open-ended. In every company, I’ve found that my case for promotion is heavily dependent upon conversations that happen when I’m not in the room. For better or for worse, my career growth will largely be impacted by others’ opinion of me. Given that unfortunate truth, I’d like to know what things you personally care about as my manager. What metrics are you using, and how are those metrics derived? Flawed metrics and bad data are far worse than having no data at all.

5. I want to know that you are open to feedback and that I won’t be punished for speaking up. There is a real power dynamic between the manager and the direct report. Ignoring that power dynamic or pretending it doesn’t exist is a mistake. Providing negative feedback to a manager is uncomfortable, especially if I think that I will be retaliated against for providing that feedback. I would feel more comfortable if from time to time you asked me if I have any feedback for you. That way, I know you’re open to receiving feedback and want to hear it.

6. I want to know that my feedback is heard and, where appropriate, acted upon. Without this, it’s difficult to know if my words are getting across. Are you understanding what I’m saying? Am I communicating clearly enough? Or do you understand my viewpoint but you just disagree? When there’s radio silence, it can feel like shouting into the void. When I’ve shouted into the void for too long, I stop shouting. Managers, when your most vocal employees become silent, that’s when you should be most worried. Their morale has been crushed, and they’re about to leave.

7. I want to know that you know what I’ve accomplished. I need to know that you’re paying attention. Part of my job is to manage up, and I promise to do so. If I share feedback about me from others, success stories, a document of my accomplishments, links to articles I’ve written, videos of conferences I’ve spoken at, or neat demo apps I’ve built, I want to know that you’ve looked at it.

Thank you for reading. Whoever you are, if and when we cross paths, I hope we will understand one another a little better.