If you’ve been following the news lately, it’s been a rather tough time in technology this year. Not a week goes by without news of several major companies letting go of significant percentages of their workforce, so much so that many organizations are keeping track of 2023 tech layoffs.
Well, as of last week I’m now one of the tens of thousands affected by these ongoing tech workforce reductions.
Facing The Feelings
Grief, Stress, Guilt
A few months ago, because of how pervasive layoffs have been industry-wide lately – including multiple rounds at my previous employer – I had done some reading on how to best support those affected. This article about Job Loss Grief and this one about Unemployment Stress struck a chord with me and I appreciate their advice even more as I read them again now. I highly recommend them, for folks recently laid off as well as for those interested in helping them.
Some of the most common advice in these and many other articles was to write about your feelings, share your story, and talk about it. That was the impetus for this post.
My Immediate Reactions
My first thoughts mid-call as I realized what was happening were “what about my coachees? what about my project team?” These people are going to be affected by this as well, now needing to carry on with less help and likely more anxiety about their own futures.
I’ve come to realize how much of a daily routine and sense of self gets tied up in a job after nearly 8 years. The more difficult realization is how quickly it can all disappear. Get the call and minutes later you’re locked out. I understand the precaution of it, and I know it’s never easy for those on the other side too, but there’s an abrupt coldness to it that still stings.
As strange as it may sound, I also felt a bit of guilt. Thinking of the tasks I postponed til later. That client project ticket I was actively working on. I should have committed that code, I should have written out some notes about my thought process, I should have been more diligent about taking notes about future plans.
Reflections
I had jotted down some reflections as they came to mind, here’s some of them.
Several times I’ve found myself in the Slack app on my phone, my autopilot taking me there to check out the latest messages only to be reminded that it’s gone.
I was blown away by the dozen or so folks who reached out to me immediately in these first days, that kind of support is not something I expected nor take for granted. I appreciate each and every one of them.
I have grown so much as a developer, a mentor, and a person in these past 8 years. I had the privilege of being a career coach to 10 wonderful people, worked on dozens of client projects, and had a small part in bringing accessibility to the forefront company-wide.
I’m going to miss so so much.
The little things. The everyday chatter with colleagues, shared pet pictures and music recommendations, opinions about industry news and latest goings on in web development.
The big things. The years-long collective accessibility documentation I had helped to curate in the company wiki. The client project I had spent the past year and a half guiding towards less technical debt, better accessibility, improved performance, and more efficient process. The team I was fortunate enough to work with, help guide, and learn from every day.
Self Care
In the same articles I had mentioned in the section above, another key point they all share is that you need to be intentional about taking care of yourself. Try to eat well and get good exercise and rest, seek good company, and practice mindfulness. It’s critical to do these things to balance against the grief, stress, and guilt.
Here’s some of my self care items these first few days.
I watched some guilty pleasure shows I don’t often make the time for, especially in those moments where any deep work or thought doesn’t come so easily. I gave myself permission to slow down and just enjoy something a little mindless.
Went on an hour and a half walk with my wife, including through a forest preserve. Time outdoors and in nature is never wasted.
A couple close friends took time out and set up an outing for all of us. It was a great time, I didn’t realize until later how much that lifted me up. I absolutely needed it and am so grateful.
Being the organization and productivity nerd that I am, I got some strange sense of enjoyment cleaning up my note taking apps, updating a bunch of my contacts with photos, and ironically enough in capturing the thoughts that led to this blog post.
I finally reorganized the living room entertainment center, wire management and all.
Today, I’m about to get to some yard work while listening to an audiobook.
Wrapping up
It was cathartic to jot down these thoughts and then compile them to share openly. I do feel like it’s helping me process things and start to look optimistically at the future.
Open Invitation to Chat
I’m sharing all this here in the hopes that it helps others going through this too to know you’re not alone, and whatever you’re feeling is a normal part of the process. Maybe it helps you make sense of your own experiences too.
Open invitation to you as well to chat via email, social media DMs, whatever you like. Let’s talk about it, share some reflections and process things together, then we can move on to talk about what has us excited for the future.
Speaking of, I’m some combination of excited and nervous about what I’m planning next. Working on some details and will be sharing more about that very soon. Stay tuned!
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