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Spoder
Spoder

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How mental health affects the ability to create

Before we begin

Before we begin I'd like to just say if you are struggling with any of the things below to call someone, or just speak to someone, doesn't have to be a professional like many say, just talking about it to someone can go a long way.

Who am I

Well, I'm Alex, or Spoder, that's who! The proud developer of the successful Discord bot Zero2Sixty. I grew up fascinated with computers, not knowing they'd get me a job later in life. As a child I wasn't the smartest, nor the most productive, yet here I am, trying to push my bot to its fullest so I can maybe make a living off of something I love doing! I've always been a creative person it feels, I loved to play with Legos as a kid, its all I'd play with. I was affected by ADHD, and that made it pretty hard to focus on one task, Id get easily distracted as I built the new Lego set I got for Christmas. It also affected my ability to pay attention in class, I remember I was in a computer science class and even had trouble with that.

Fast forward to now and I can basically control most of my ADHD, although sometimes it will sneak in.

Depression and programming

Not long after I started 10th grade, I experienced what is known to many as depression. I had no idea why, or how, but I didn't do anything about it. As I sit there writing my next update for this bot I have, I do sometimes get randomly sad, and it makes it really hard to concentrate on the next update and pump ideas out of my brain for it. Now normally I'm a very creative person and I can get ideas out like its 1 2 3, but depression makes it really hard to do that, Ill lose motivation, and Ill think about giving up. The bot has taken a little tole on my mental health itself as well, giving me stress, anxiety, among other things. However, that doesn't mean all is bad about the bot, the bot has helped me in ways I could never imagine. It gave me my first pay check from something I made myself, it makes me proud, and it gives me something to focus on daily.

This sounds really silly now that I type it out but its true, I really think Id be stuck somewhere without this bot! I am really thankful for everyone who's supported me along the way, and there's still a long way to go!

Anxiety and coding

I cant even remember when I was told I may have serious anxiety, it has to have been a long time ago as it feels like its been forever. I always get anxious pushing anything in projects, wondering if it'll work, and if it doesn't how will I fix it, will people be mad? Will the project just end? These things really get me thinking and stressed, but I keep going as the thought of it working and bringing people joy starts to outweigh the other thoughts.

What keeps me going

This is a tough question to answer, there aren't many things that are making me get out of bed in the morning at the moment, the bot is the main thing, as I know I want to bring people joy with my ideas. My friends also are a big part of my life, they're always supportive!

Conclusion

Its hard to conclude something like this but the bottom line is, mental health is something big that no one really talks about, and it can have effects on your ability to think properly, things do get better, and if you have something that makes you happy, keep doing it. It makes you happy, don't let anyone tell you that it shouldn't make you happy, or question it, just do it.

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