Hey Adam, great question! Here's the "official" list of state related ARIA attributes: w3.org/WAI/PF/aria-1.1/states_and_... (scroll down to see an actual bullet list) that maybe you already bumped into 😅.
As for a list of widely used attributes, I haven't seen any myself but I assume it must exist. Maybe I would suggest scanning through the full list and taking notes of the ones that sound like attributes you would use often. That would vary depending on the types of apps each developer writes.
And on another note, MDN has a lot of great posts on Accessibility that I think you'll find pretty helpful and you can start there before diving into the W3 docs:
Let me know how it goes! Also if you find any resource that helped you reply here and I'll add it to the post, I'm sure it'll be helpful to others as well.
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