I'm right and you're wrong

And I don't mean in one or two things, I mean on everything. Everything you believe is fabricated bs, artificially created to dumb you down, to the point where you can create absolutely nothing of value what so ever.

To bring that statement into full circle, realise I can use the Bible as my sole source of reference to scientifically prove Jesus didn't die from crucifixion. Still, 2.3 billion Christians are using it as their source to prove he died for our sins.

Hint, if he didn't die, how could he die for your sins?

However, this article isn't about religions. Or wait? Is it ...?

Religious Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo

I could give the yellow pages a new cover, throw it on a table, and claim it proves that back propagation has been improved by 69% by the latest research conducted by Amazon - And zero people would actually open the book to check if I'm right. People takes other people's statements as fact, instead of actually verify claims and check if they're right.

Software development is stuffed with dogmas such as the above illustrates. For instance, it's almost impossible to land a job as a software developer today unless you've got 10+ years of OOP, OOD, and OOA - Even though 40 years of experience into the subject, irrevocably proves that OOP is in fact a software development mass psychosis.

11 out of 10 software developers will chose a micro service architecture, even though titans such as Amazon has long since admitted it's rubbish.

99% of all software developers will choose NoSQL, even though we know for a fact it's the wrong tool for 99% of your work.

100% of C-level executives will hire more hands to increase velocity, even though 50 years of research have proven it reduces velocity.

Software Development Collapse

Our industry is now so full of superstitious rubbish it's about to completely collapse. By that I mean that some few years from now, it will literally be impossible to actually create anything of value. It's now almost impossible to find software developers not having fallen for the rubbish our industry has to offer, to the extent that creating software in the future will literally be impossible.

And while we're teaching our youngsters all the wrong paradigms at universities, the problem compounds, until the industry goes into a completely collapse, by its own sheer massive amount of rubbish.

I remember the first program I wrote in 1982, it was as follows.

10 PRINT "THOMAS IS COOL"
20 GOTO 10

A simple rule set, impossible to misunderstand. I wrote it when I was 8 years old. Today an MsC candidate at university level couldn't reproduce it at gunpoint, without a team of 15 different PhDs, a 3 month analysis phase, and 11 different program managers. Inevitably resulting in that if he somehow was to magically reproduce it, it would end up using 11,567 design patterns, pub/sub architecture, a handful of message brokers, and event sourcing (duh!)

In addition he'd apply 67 different NoSQL database systems, some 15 different programming languages, and implement it concurrently using Haskell to avoid race conditions using exclusively immutable types.

Before he was done, the project would have had a cost of 11 million dollars, and still be considered an "MVP".

How I work

I usually work straight in production. No CI/CD, no sprints, no Scrum, no velocity points - And QA is me executing the file I'm editing to verify it's working as it should. This allows me to deliver functionality roughly 1 billion times faster than you and your colleagues. You can see a screenshot of my development environment below.

The above is Hyper IDE. When I save the file, the file is in production. No deployment pipelines, no unit testing, no TDD - Just plain old "edit the frikkin' thing, save it, and it's done!"

And when I'm editing the database, I go (duh!) straight to production and apply my changes directly into prod.

No need to wait for 11 different pipelines to execute, 124 different static code analysis platforms to sanity check my code, or 15 additional pull request reviewers to triple check my code. If the save button works, it's in production after I click it!

This allows me to work literally 1 bajillion times faster than you - Implying you can set me next to 200,000 software developers working for Microsoft, all of whom are "the best software developers in the world", and I will run around them in circles - Being bored for having to wait for them to finish, 3 weeks after I'm done!

How Jesus Explains the World

I promised I wouldn't make this a religious article. However, the Jesus story is my favourite story to explain what's wrong with the world. 2.3 billion Christians claims the Bible is divine word from God, and that it explains how Jesus died for our sins. Still ...

• According to the Bible Jesus spent only 6 to 9 hours on the cross.
• According to the Bible, Nicodemus brought Myrrh and Aloe into his grave to "embalm him".
• 3 days after his crucifixion he walks out of his grave.

To enlighten you a bit here ...

• It takes 72 hours to kill a man using crucifixion.
• Myrrh and Aloe are not embalming herbs. 2,000 years ago these herbs were known for their abilities to heal wounds rather.
• Walking out of his tomb. Seriously? Do I really need to explain this?

Facts are, historical Roman records contains dozens of accounts of people surviving crucifixion. Surviving it was actually much more common than you'd think.

Now if he didn't die from crucifixion, he clearly didn't die for your sins. Similarly to how you need to deal with your own crappy code. There's no "Messiah" coming to magically save you from your own crappy code, anymore than any Messiah coming to save you from your own sins.

Deal with your own crappy code! I'm done! Figure it the fuck out for yourselves! Your crappy code, your shitty problems!