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Mitchell Mutandah
Mitchell Mutandah

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The Hilarious Guide to Career Sabotage

Welcome to the ultimate guide on how to suck as a junior developer! If you're a new developer looking to make every rookie mistake in the book, you've come to the right place 😉. This guide will walk you through the mistakes made by junior devs, all wrapped in a humorous package. So, get ready!!

get ready

1. Skip the Documentation
Why read the manual when you can dive right in and figure it out yourself? As a junior developer, it's your duty to skip all documentation and try to reinvent the wheel every time. Who needs clear instructions when you can fumble your way through hours of frustration?

Pro Tip: Be sure to ignore any README files, comments, or helpful tips your team might provide. Real developers work in the dark!

2. Ignore Version Control
Version control systems like Git are for those who want to keep track of their code changes. But you're a maverick! Who needs branches, commits, or even a backup plan? Just keep coding in one file and overwrite your progress daily. Living on the edge, right?

Pro Tip: Make sure to push directly to the main branch with untested, unfinished code. Your teammates will love the excitement of unexpected bugs in production.

3. Avoid Asking for Help
Asking for help is a sign of weakness. If you want to suck as a junior developer, make sure you struggle alone. Spend hours or even days stuck on a problem rather than reaching out to your team or Googling the solution. Suffering builds character!

Pro Tip: When you finally do ask for help, do it in the vaguest way possible. "It's not working" is a perfectly acceptable description of your problem.

4. Write Cryptic Code
Clear, readable code is overrated. Your goal should be to write the most confusing, cryptic code possible. Use single-letter variable names, avoid comments, and make sure your functions do fifty different things. Future you (and your colleagues) will appreciate the mystery.If anyone complains about your code quality, just tell them it's "self-documenting." Problem solved!

5. Neglect Testing
Testing is for the paranoid. As a junior developer aiming to suck, you should trust that your code works perfectly on the first try. Skip writing unit tests, integration tests, or any kind of tests. Real developers test in production! When bugs inevitably arise, just blame the environment or someone else's code. Denial is a powerful tool.

6. Overcomplicate Everything
Why write simple, elegant solutions when you can create overly complex monstrosities? Always choose the most convoluted approach to every problem. Remember, the more lines of code, the better!

Pro Tip: Throw in some unnecessary design patterns and over-engineer your code. Bonus points if you can make it impossible for anyone else to understand or maintain.

7. Procrastinate on Learning
The tech world moves fast, but that doesn't mean you have to. Put off learning new technologies, frameworks, or best practices. Stick to what you know (even if it’s outdated), and avoid any professional development opportunities. When asked about new trends or tools, just shrug and say, "I'll get to it eventually."

Final Tips:

please don't

The Advice: How Not to Suck

Alright, enough. Here’s some serious advice to help you avoid the common pitfalls and succeed as a junior developer:

Read Documentation: Take the time to understand the tools and frameworks you’re using. Documentation is your friend.
Use Version Control: Learn Git (or any other version control system) properly. Commit often and understand branching strategies.

Ask for Help: Don’t be afraid to reach out to your team or online communities. Asking questions is how you learn.

Write Readable Code: Follow best practices for naming conventions and code organization. Comments and clean code are your allies.

Test Your Code: Write tests to ensure your code works as expected and can be maintained. Tests save you from future headaches.

Simplify: Aim for simplicity and clarity in your solutions. Overcomplicating things can lead to more bugs and maintenance issues.

Keep Learning: Stay curious and keep up with industry trends and new technologies. Continuous learning is key to staying relevant.

Communicate Clearly: Effective communication with your team is crucial. Share your progress, ask questions, and provide updates regularly.

Embrace Feedback: Be open to constructive criticism. Feedback helps you grow and improve your skills.

Take Breaks: Avoid burnout by taking regular breaks. A well-rested mind is more productive and creative.

Remember, everyone makes mistakes when starting out. The key is to learn from them and continuously improve.

Until next time!....


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