Probably the number one thing is keeping the communication about the ideas. (Reminder to self as well.) Avoid describing or characterizing or comparing or attributing motivations to other people. It is a lot more boring and informational, which is exactly what you want when talking about problems or disagreements. And if others make personal characterizations of you, rather than going on the defensive, ignore them and refocus back on the ideas. Examples comparing characterization vs idea.
Characterization: You are doing it wrong. You should be doing X. Idea: Here is how I am avoiding that problem: X.
Characterization: Did you read the definition of AbstractDecoraptorProxyFactoryPattern? It obviously says X. Idea: I think I see the problem. Try X.
The word obvious is a red flag. It is often a subtle personal attack.
Characterization: How has this bug not been fixed? Idea: This bug is still causing a problem for me. X.
Characterization: Are you just wanting to argue? Idea: I am still having trouble understanding your perspective. Can you give me some concrete examples?
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Probably the number one thing is keeping the communication about the ideas. (Reminder to self as well.) Avoid describing or characterizing or comparing or attributing motivations to other people. It is a lot more boring and informational, which is exactly what you want when talking about problems or disagreements. And if others make personal characterizations of you, rather than going on the defensive, ignore them and refocus back on the ideas. Examples comparing characterization vs idea.
Characterization: You are doing it wrong. You should be doing X.
Idea: Here is how I am avoiding that problem: X.
Characterization: Did you read the definition of
AbstractDecoraptorProxyFactoryPattern? It obviously says X.Idea: I think I see the problem. Try X.
Characterization: How has this bug not been fixed?
Idea: This bug is still causing a problem for me. X.
Characterization: Are you just wanting to argue?
Idea: I am still having trouble understanding your perspective. Can you give me some concrete examples?