From where I'm sitting, this post is a step in the right direction. I won't pretend to have any sort of deep, philosophical advice that will "flip the switch", because that advice doesn't exist. Even making huge changes does not always do it. I left a lucrative career as a data scientist at a bank for reasons similar to the ones your describing. My nature is to dive into things I find interesting and become consumed by them. My superiors noticed and took advantage. I had that "rock star, go-to guy" reputation, was with the company for two years with 5-star reviews across the board. I was the king, the Golden boy. Then my superiors started getting pressure from on high. High producing loan officers complained about idiotic things which we needed to handle immediately, then get cussed out because the "mission-critical" features we had to put on the back burner to handle sales' ridiculous requests weren't getting done fast enough.
Our Lead was getting demolished in the VPs office every day over something, so he would load up myself and the two other devs he considered "the most talented" (which...I was an IT technician at the company 18 months before with no degree or previous developer experience outside of tinker-coding in my free time so, take that title with a grain of salt) with projects, bugs, and features. Eventually, even we hit the limit of what we could produce. But rather than make useful changes like telling the sales babies to shut up or hire more developers, the crap rolled downhill. The company went from the greatest job I ever had, to my worst nightmare. People I had known and worked with turned into monsters and that "Golden boy" status was replaced with "whipping boy". I got the worst of it I feel. My lack of degree suddenly was a problem. All four of my superiors gave me the "we took a chance on you!" Guilt trip on a daily basis. Eventually I left in total shambles.
I am autistic, struggle with extreme bipolar depression and anxiety so, suffice to say, I know how you feel, both as an overworked/underappreciated developer, and somebody who feels overwhelmed with the process of getting out of bed in the morning. Even though I now work for myself as a developer, I still get trolled by clients who want the world yesterday and for free. I still struggle almost every day with the self-critical, self-abusive, and depressive behavior that I thought was tied to my old job.
I am sorry from the bottom of my heart that you are in this place. But I think you are not giving yourself enough credit. Posting this here is exactly what I would do, and have done, in your situation. As a fellow lone-wolf, let me be the first to say that you've figured out the most important step on your own. Working with other developers means that you can complain together and vent. If your a full-time "one man show", you don't get that. Sure your spouse or closer friends might sympathize, but they do it without understanding. They doesn't make the sympathy any less sincere, but it does make it less comforting. My advice? Baby steps. The first of which would be to post more stuff like this. You wouldn't believe how good it feels to post something that, basically says "This is BS. Screw this, screw compilers, interpreters, precompilers, markup, stylesheets, all of it! I don't care what you think, C is stupid and you all know it! And by brother-in-law is an asshole!!!!". It also feels even better when others, encouraged by your rant, suddenly feel comfortable enough to vent their grievances with their niche. We all need the kind of healing your looking for from time to time. So...here we are. Talk to us 😁😁
Thanks for all the motivation and good vibes! 👌
I think devrant was created exactly for that need to just vent a little. Good forum for that. :+)
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