Like many other people, my 2020 did not turn out the way I had thought it would. In January, I spoke at a conference and had more speaking & writing gigs lined up. I was anticipating a new role at work. I was excited, and ready to keep growing!
By the time August hit, I was one breakdown away from quitting my job and permanently becoming a part of my couch.
I was depressed, miserable, stressed, burnt out...and embarrassed that I felt that way. Even with the perfectly valid reason of gestures at everything, I was ashamed of how I felt and frustrated by my inability to push through it so I could get back to doing the projects I enjoyed.
I didn’t publish a single new blog post in 2020, nor did I work on a single side project. But I did start seeing a therapist, and being more open with friends & colleagues about how I was feeling. The support & encouragement I’ve received has been amazing, and for now, that’s more than enough for me.
I still have days where I’d rather be a potato than a programmer. But I’m grateful for the creativity, joy, & delight that exist in this field, and want to continue to be a part of it even if I only have the energy to be a spectator.
In 2021, I will continue to code, but not at the expense of my well-being. And if that means less talks, blog posts, and side projects, then that’s okay with me.