DEV Community


Discussion on: I have ADHD 🌧️

jeremyabbott profile image
Jeremy Abbott

Aww Kasey! My career and experience with ADHD has been eerily similar. I imagine my partner would agree with your wife’s experience too! I don’t have any solutions, yet, but I can say just knowing there’s a reason helped me tremendously.

One of the symptoms I struggle with the most is emotional dysregulation. Again, knowing it’s a thing helps me manage it a little.

The other is rejection sensitivity. This one really wreaked havoc on my life early on. I still struggle with it, especially when it comes to the dreaded coding interview. 😱

Thank you for writing this and sharing your experience!

kspeakman profile image
Kasey Speakman Author • Edited

Thanks for sharing!

I didn't address emotional dysregulation, but it hits me too. My first job after college I remember tearing up, almost crying while trying to convince co-workers I need to make a major code change. At the time, I was only writing reports and therefore dying inside. I desperately needed to do something else. I still feel the spikes sometimes, but have gotten better at managing or avoiding those situations. From the other direction, I got the chance to create a team that shares life and can be real about their acute feelings and be supported. I even sent them the link to this post. They are awesome!

Same with rejection sensitivity. I can look back and see it all through life. We get so used to letting other people down unintentionally that we anticipate their rejection or interpret their ordinary actions (such as saying they can't make it) as rejection for something we did. I've mostly learned to let this go, but it especially still affects my closest relationships. When my other half is in a bad mood my go-to is always "What did I do this time?" And try to fix it right then. Often she is still processing it so I guess at what it might be. "Was it because I didn't do laundry?" It seems to make it worse. Then they want to hide negative feelings so we don't blame ourselves, but that is also detrimental. Now that I recognize it, I have a decent shot at catching myself and instead showing support and giving time for it to be ready for sharing.

Thanks for pointing out these areas!