First up - I'm sorry you're having such a bad time at work. It sounds like a very toxic environment. I was very lucky to be get my first job as a developer surrounded by patient, kind and enthusiastic people who wanted to help me. You have not been so lucky.
I'm going to try and give you some advice, but bear in mind I'm just one person and I'm no expert.
1. Change your job.
If I got this advice I'd just laugh and say "yeah, but I've got to eat". Which is true. But I'm not saying you should quit tomorrow; just make it a goal for the near future. I don't think you'll be able to change your work environment - you might, you never know - but it's very difficult to do this unless you're working from a position of seniority (or have the ear of someone who is senior).
So in the meantime...
2. Reach out
Reach out to your friendly neighbourhood software development community. The world is full of good, kind, patient and enthusiastic people who want to help you and answer your questions. Hopefully some of these people live near you and attend meetups like Girls Who Code or Codebar - but any meetup with a good community and a code of conduct will work out fine. I don't know what you work on (or what you enjoy working on) but try and find a place like that.
The hard part is building a relationship with people you don't see everyday, but you can do it. Put yourself forward, chat, ask for help. Hopefully you will find an environment that will nurture you.
Ask questions on here - ask anything on here. Find people posting about things you're interested in and ask them questions. Ask me questions - you already did! This is a good community who will want to help you.
Finally: can I ask for your permission to share this question more widely? It's a really good question and I think the more people you ask, the better the answers.
Good luck!
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First up - I'm sorry you're having such a bad time at work. It sounds like a very toxic environment. I was very lucky to be get my first job as a developer surrounded by patient, kind and enthusiastic people who wanted to help me. You have not been so lucky.
I'm going to try and give you some advice, but bear in mind I'm just one person and I'm no expert.
1. Change your job.
If I got this advice I'd just laugh and say "yeah, but I've got to eat". Which is true. But I'm not saying you should quit tomorrow; just make it a goal for the near future. I don't think you'll be able to change your work environment - you might, you never know - but it's very difficult to do this unless you're working from a position of seniority (or have the ear of someone who is senior).
So in the meantime...
2. Reach out
Reach out to your friendly neighbourhood software development community. The world is full of good, kind, patient and enthusiastic people who want to help you and answer your questions. Hopefully some of these people live near you and attend meetups like Girls Who Code or Codebar - but any meetup with a good community and a code of conduct will work out fine. I don't know what you work on (or what you enjoy working on) but try and find a place like that.
The hard part is building a relationship with people you don't see everyday, but you can do it. Put yourself forward, chat, ask for help. Hopefully you will find an environment that will nurture you.
But in the meantime...
3. Post on Dev.to
As @quii just said to me:
Ask questions on here - ask anything on here. Find people posting about things you're interested in and ask them questions. Ask me questions - you already did! This is a good community who will want to help you.
Finally: can I ask for your permission to share this question more widely? It's a really good question and I think the more people you ask, the better the answers.
Good luck!