Last week I attended devopsdays Minneapolis. It was my first time attending and I had a blast. There were over 900 attendees and I survived.
When I meet new people, they are often surprised to learn I am an introvert. I just pretend to be a people person for work, conferences, and meetups. I have a set of ten simple rules and conversation templates that I use to help me navigate large networking events without getting burned out.
10 tips for networking as an introvert
You will be awkward.
It feels awkward. I was never the little kid who could run up and ask someone to play. Just embrace that awkward feeling. The more you network at events, the less awkward it will feel and the less awkward you will be.
Walk up to someone, wait for your turn/pause in conversation, say "Hi! I am X. I wanted to say I liked/loved your ..."
This ties in with 1. Compliment only things that people CHOSE.
So if you loved a blog post, tweet, their dyed hair, their dress, go for it and say so. People will often happily take compliments and expand on that topic. Suddenly you are in a conversation! Go you!
Wear a conversation piece.
If going up to people is too difficult, wear a conversation piece so they will come up to you instead. Now people have a topic to ask you about. This can be as simple as wearing a code dress or shirt, distinctive glasses, pins, or a purple t-shirt with "My name is X. This shirt is purple."
Always leave room in a group conversation for one more person.
This is also known as the Pac-Man Rule.
Instead of talking in a closed circle, the shape of the group looks more like a Pac-Man with an open wedge for someone to come in and fill. By leaving space in your group for another person, you are giving explicit permission for them to join the group. This helps to get over that "Am I interrupting?" feeling. Look for Pac-Mans to join.
A small hand wave is totally an acceptable way to say "hi" or "bye".
Sometimes someone will be in a conversation and you wanted to talk to them but don't want to wait. Feel free to do a small wave and/or head nod and walk away.
If you need to escape for a while, do so!
Find a quiet space to rest, go for a walk, sit and read or journal, etc. Some conferences (like devopsdays Minneapolis) have quiet rooms expressly for this purpose. You will get burned out, so take time to recharge.
Give yourself permission to leave early. You do not need to go to every session and workshop. Take care of yourself.
Vendor tables are a great place to practice conversation skills. They WANT to talk.
"Hi! I am interested in XYZ, can you tell me more?"
"Hi! Can you tell me more about what your company does?"
"Hi! Do you have any current job openings? What skills are you looking for?"
Business cards are your friend.
Print some up, hand them out, and take them from others. I often scribble the conversation topic I had with the person on their card. That way I know what we chatted about.
Thank people for their time.
It is work to be on all day. I thank people when I leave the conversation, I also try to send a follow up thank you in an email or tweet. This is where collecting business cards comes in handy.
Schedule a recovery day for after the conference.
I try to leave the day after the conference free so I can spend all day in my blanket fort recovering. It takes a lot of energy for me to be social all day long. I usually spend the day knitting, coloring, or marathoning movies to get my energy back.
In addition to these rules, I often give myself a networking goal like "Talk to one new person". Throughout the day I scribble down who I talked with so I can remember to follow up and thank them again later. This makes me feel productive because I know accomplished my goal and chatted with several people.
Networking at an event is vital. It is okay for it to feel like work, because it is work. The only way to get better at it, is to keep doing it.
Top comments (11)
This is great advice, thanks for sharing.
I had a few insights about networking that really helped me. I'll add them here, if that's okay...
1) Other people want to talk to you. Everyone is there to chat and meet new folks. Approaching someone to talk isn't an imposition, you're doing the other person a favor by initiating conversation. This was the major insight that made me more calm/confident at these sorts of events.
2) It's totally fine to say "I'm going to make the rounds" if conversation has stalled and you want to keep moving. Again, everyone understands the context of the event, and that you're trying to meet multiple people. You're doing them a favor by respecting their time, as well.
3) People love talking about themselves. A sure-fire way to keep the conversation moving is by asking engaging questions. That can help build some momentum if you're not naturally comfortable chatting up a conversation from scratch.
4) Use inviting body language. If you're not feeling confident about walking up to a group, or initiating a new conversation, a simple smile is an invitation for someone to start chatting with you. Maintain a friendly expression and make eye contact as people mill about, and in no time someone will likely feel comfortable walking up to you to start talking.
Thanks for sharing your advice. Much appreciated!
It's quite funny but even though people think I'm an extrovert, I often have hard times to get into conversations with people, especially if there are a bunch at once and if I don't know them (like for example at conferences).
However the thing (at least for me is) when I'm warmed up, I really enjoy to talk to multiple people at one place. It's like fitness training. You have to warm up before you put your muscles under extreme stress.
Can’t wait to read more posts like this!
Thanks for the write-up! This is something I still struggle with. These are good tips, but I just need to practice practice! And getting to tech conferences on a budget is not easy!
This is spot on. Since I'd usually got t-shirt from conferences other people in company joining, I'd always make sure to wear that shirt. So you went to pycon us ? (I'm from Asia and never set foot in the west) ... Oh no, only got their shirt ... and the conversation going on ;)
And I'll just add another one - always smile to everyone, this is my way to say implicitly that I'm ready to talk to everyone :)
Great post. Small talk is one of my biggest struggles. Especially when meeting new people whom I have no common interests.
As an introvert who's just starting to attend more meetups/conferences this is very helpful!
This is a great tip for an introvert like myself. Thank you!
8 was brilliant! Thanks!
Great minds think alike. adamtheautomator.com/introverts-gu...