Whenever we encounter something we don’t like or we think is bad for us, we immediately start blame game and inadvertently (sometimes deliberate too!) start searching for a person/situation whom you can hold responsible for the bad you have encountered.
But have you ever tried to take the responsibility of everything that went wrong with you? Sounds Strange? It is actually not. It may sound weird but if you think out of the box and do a bit introspection you will easily figure out that yes for everything happened to you, you are the only person who is responsible. Let’s dig this a bit and make things easier to understand.
For everything happens to you (Good or Bad), we have two parameters to work on:
Fault: The very first thing that comes into our mind, whose fault is this? You immediately start searching for someone you can blame for. And that’s not that bad actually. For every bad in nature, there is someone at fault. So no worries, you are partially right in doing so. (Why Partially? We will figure it out in upcoming examples.)
Responsible: This should be the next and the most important parameter you should be working on. And guess what? We all do it and we all do it wrong (Most of the times). We will be discussing in the upcoming examples and understand how easy is to hold someone responsible for the bad you have encountered and how it gives only a moment of pleasure but not lasting relief.
For everything bad happens to you, You may be at fault or not but you are always responsible for that, as it is you and only you who decides how you would be reacting to this.
Real Life Examples:
Not able to clear a competitive exam: Suppose a student (let us call him John) is trying hard to clear a competitive exam which he considers his life decider and somehow he couldn’t clear that exam. His family is suffering from worst internal fights or tensions one could think of.
Now what he (or in general most of the students across the globe would do) does? He starts thinking who’s fault is this, Who is responsible for that. He is thinking that his family situation is responsible as he wasn’t able to concentrate on exams because of all those shouts and hot debates and fistfights in his family.
Now try to think and recall how many stories have you heard about people facing worst situations in life and still went successfully ahead. Your mind will be filled with many such stories.
John may be not at fault for everything happening in his family but he is certainly responsible for how he reacted to that.
Read James Clerk Maxwell’s story to get more insights.
Fear or Phobia of something: Suppose you have right from your birth or after a horrible encounter with something you have developed a phobia in your mind and you can’t overcome from that. The phobia can be of heights, or lizard, or even of dying and so on…
Now, most probably it's not your fault that you are having some kind of phobia that makes your life hell. But…Guess what? You are still responsible for your phobia in mind. (Don’t think I am a man of ridiculed mind for this please, let me complete my story.)
Have you ever heard about Dr. Douglas’s story Deep Water where he talks about how fear of water had made his life hell and left him handicapped most of the times? If not definitely give a shot, its worth a read.
So, Yes you may not be at fault for your phobia but you are responsible for how you live with it. Either you can live with it and holding responsible god of life or nature or destiny or something else and make your life hell or you can hold yourself responsible for your phobia and just overcome from this by getting rid of your phobia.
You think of other examples now: Yes! enough read, now do it. Try to give it a shot. For everything bad ever happened to you, start analyzing how you would have been in a better situation if you had yourself responsible for that “bad”.
Note: I would like you all to read this masterpiece from Mark Manson, I was in awe when I read that and this article is also inspired by this masterpiece.