re: On Dealing with Anxiety and Depression as a Developer VIEW POST


While depression supposedly isn't as common in men as women, it seems like its prevalence is over-represented in the tech field.

I've been lucky enough to have been dealing with endogenous depression and overall anhedonia since I was a toddler (wish I was exaggerating). In all that time (I'm 48, now), never found any chemical fixative that worked for me. Even if one didn't turn me into a zombie and would manage to start making me feel less at the bottom of a well, that's when the other side-effects you didn't previously notice would start to rear their head. Worse, the personality changes from the drugs always contributed to that "who am I" feeling &mdash, that whole "are these my thoughts/emotions or the drugs'?" I also tried talk-therapy for a number of years with a few different practitioners. Was never really convinced that it did much more than blunt some of the bottoming out.

On the plus side, it all helped to really develop and keen edge of sardonicism to my personality. And, all those efforts at trying to find something that provided a spark to life meant that I forced myself to experience a lot of things that few of my peers have or likely ever will. All that time spent trying to keep my mind too busy to let the demons have unfettered access to their playground also meant I've done fairly well, professionally (even if the work/life balance is comically off-kilter). I'm also lucky enough to have come through it all realizing that, while I have depression (it's a part of me), it doesn't define me). In some cases, these kinds of things are the best you can hope for.

While I don't wish anything similar on anyone — not even my worst enemies —, reading posts like this do provide a bit of salve. There's a measure of solace in knowing that what we feel isn't as singular as it sometimes seems.

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