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Today, I almost forgot why I love programming.

erica (she/her)
perpetually overcaffeinated junior dev
・2 min read

I'm not sure if I can still call myself a recent coding bootcamp graduate - I've hit 9 months of code, and today I had a burnout baby. I had a lengthy stare at the screen, had an existential crisis in the bathroom, and realized that coding just isn't for me.

Then I got my shit together.

This task had to be done. I couldn't just not do my job and tell my boss "Sorry, that's too hard." This may be fine for a tricky bug fix, but blowing off documentation is a good way to go from junior developer to former developer.

I'm not saying I was ready to throw in the towel over documentation.

I enjoy writing. That's how this post happened.

I don't enjoy things I can't figure out.

A majority of my task was taking screenshots of the happy path. Problem was, I didn't know the full happy path. A large part of it was setting up [kinda] complex charts and graphs using a library that we'd been implementing. I was familiar with the UI well enough, but I didn't understand how to use any of the tools.

I wasn't frustrated with code. I was frustrated with graphs.

I got myself caffeinated, pulled up my bootcamp straps, and Googled my soul out. I tried different data and different settings and different filters until it worked. I was spinning in my chair.

This is when I remembered that I loved writing code - if I loved graphs, I would have gone into accounting. Development is hard. We all know it. However, we also all live for the rush of "I did it - it works!".

That's why nevertheless, I code.

Discussion (7)

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phantas0s profile image
Matthieu Cneude • Edited

After 10 years of coding as a developer (20 years as a hobby), here's my conclusion:

  • No developers really know what they're doing.
  • Code is only a way, not a goal. It means that we have to deal with much more than code. Graphs, weird functionality a CEO saw in a dream, other developers, you name it.

I love it, nevertheless. There are up and down, but, in general, this is fun :)

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technoglot profile image
Amelia Vieira Rosado 🐣✨

Oh, these meltdowns, I know them too well! I had two burnouts so far (the pandemic certainly sparked one in me again). I can certainly relate with the thought of "I can't do this/take this anymore". I've also questioned myself a lot in the past. Thought I wasn't good enough to be in this field. But at some point I wipe my tears and tell myself: "Welp, find a way to make this work, it's not like you will make a good lawyer or do well in finance!" And so I move on πŸ˜‚ Wouldn't give this struggle up for the world, I swear. (However, if you find yourself struggling with these thoughts, take a break. Gather your thoughts and try again. That's what I'd advise. 😊)

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Jess Lee (she/her)

This is when I remembered that I loved writing code - if I loved graphs, I would have gone into accounting.

πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

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jaetooledev profile image
Jae Toole

Great article!

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amitabhk profile image
Amitabh Kumar

Nice Article

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pancy profile image
Pan Chasinga

Keep up!

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Michael Fasani

It’s so true!