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Cover image for Explain what a programmer does. Wrong answers only

Explain what a programmer does. Wrong answers only

Domenico Solazzo
Tech Lead. Software Engineer. Family man. Fitness lover. I want to build great products. Opinions are my own.
・1 min read

Let's have another fun challenge.

Explain what a programmer does, but only wrong answer accepted!

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I will start:

Programmers will fix your printer!

Discussion (79)

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catmcgeecode profile image
Cat McGee

We start fires so we can put them out

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ben profile image
Ben Halpern

Sometimes we hand the fire off to someone else to put out.

fire

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ben profile image
Ben Halpern

Pro-Grahammers are the nickname for lobbyists who argue in favor of Lindsay Graham's agenda.

They're not generally a well-liked group.

graham

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stereoplegic profile image
Mike Bybee

That's not a wrong answer!

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jpantunes profile image
JP Antunes

Programmers do things, not because they are easy, but because they thought they were going to be easy.

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jeromegamez profile image
Jérôme Gamez

That's not a wrong answer 🤔😂

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jpantunes profile image
JP Antunes

Well.. the answer is not wrong, but it's the wrong answer to give :-)

Thread Thread
jeromegamez profile image
Jérôme Gamez

Oh, you got a point! 😭

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koti profile image
Menelaos Kotoglou • Edited

Programmers will format your PC.

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jeromegamez profile image
Jérôme Gamez

A programmer might not be as fast as an Instagrammer, but definitely heavier than a kilogrammer 🤓

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dentych profile image
Dennis

This one takes the cake imo 😂

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ecognito profile image
E Cognito

Hey! Can you fix my printer?

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stereoplegic profile image
Mike Bybee

I came here to say this.

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dinowilliam profile image
William Ferreira de Paula

The programmers came to solve problems that would not exist if there were no computers!
Crazy

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eljayadobe profile image
Eljay-Adobe

A programmer is someone who is in a perpetual catatonic state, and can only sit for 8+ hours a day while sitting unnaturally close to a display and staring intently at it for the entire duration. Some programmers are in a nearly vegetative state, whereas others afflicted by a mild form of Tourette's syndrome may occasionally utter a discouraging word out loud. Most programmers are naturally shy and introverted, and can only stare at their shoes while trying to awkwardly engage with others in social discourse. Extroverted programmers have the audacity to stare at the person's shoes while trying to awkwardly engage with others in social discourse. Programmers tend to eat two-dimensional food that is slid under their door, and drink copious amounts of caffeinated beverages. Programmers caught in the wild will fret about not being able to stare at a display approximately 23 inches from their face, and often will take up photography so they can stare at a camera which is 23 inches from the photographed subject. The mating habits of programmers can only be described as an evolutionary dead-end. Before the invention of computers, programmers spent their time staring at other displays like chalkboards or whiteboards or blank pieces of paper. Ancient Greek programmers would stare at circles on the ground in complete obliviousness to their surroundings, while barbarian invaders would skewer them. Some programmers become fabulously wealthy, which allows them to buy even bigger displays to stare at.

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didiBonocore

Best thing I read today! U made my day, Sir.

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k_the_c profile image
Kris

They create the pamphlets that they hand out at plays and sporting events

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Alvaro Montoro

A programmer is a PRO at Grammer: they correct everybody's English writing, grammar, and syntax. They are a branch of the police force (the Grammar Police), and because of that, they are all public servants and have to wear uniform to work.

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mellen profile image
Matt Ellen

an enee fuul no, spelling izunt part uv grammer

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_garybell profile image
Gary Bell

A programmer just sits typing all day. It can't be that hard!

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gabbersepp profile image
Josef Biehler

We go to the coffee machine quite often which induces a high risk of having an accident in the office!

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g4vill profile image
Gabriel Villegas

A programmer can hack Facebook.

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richarddapice profile image
Richard Dapice • Edited

Programmers write 100% testested regression free code.

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Sarah Price

Programmers learn how to break the computer so we can increase the time it takes to fix a simple bug. Therefore, forcing employers and clients to have to pay us more. In this way, we make simple things hard to increase our mystery and powers.

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pankajtanwarbanna profile image
Pankaj Tanwar

Programmers program.🙊

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Adam Crockett

Sitting on my sofa overseeing my 2 year old clean the pen he just put on our living room chairs. Whilst laptop sits there waiting for me.

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jonrandy profile image
Jon Randy • Edited

Programmers make lightweight web apps by using React for everything

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madmadino profile image
Madmadino

A programmer will teach his mom how to upload a picture to her WhatsApp status

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Ripix Code House

🤣🤣🤣🤣

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patzistar profile image
Patrick Schadler

Programmers REPAIR YOUR COMPUTER.

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dariorlima profile image
Dário Ribeiro

Programmers are able to predict client decisions

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stereoplegic profile image
Mike Bybee

And it won't that that long when they change their minds, right?

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Shivang Dubey

A programmer creates websites using wix.com

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stereoplegic profile image
Mike Bybee

There are so many listings on Hubstaff for this. 😂

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merri profile image
Vesa Piittinen • Edited

A programmer is a person who doesn't understand MY feelings.

A programmer is a person who provides the contents to throw at the fan.

A programmer is a person who studies greatly all the things, but when put into work thinks their work doesn't reflect the "this is fine" meme, only everyone else's does.

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merri profile image
Vesa Piittinen

Programmer is also a person who spends their lunch break at dev.to coming up with ideas what a programmer is and ends up with cold food.

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web3coach profile image
Lukas Lukac • Edited

I will just leave this here:

kubectl -n dapp-stack rollout restart deployment/gateway-sirius

...
...

src

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DrBearhands

Rearrange electrical charges into more pleasing patterns.

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perpetual_education profile image
perpetual . education

"Only wrong answers accepted" is a mind boggling concept!

Our answer: "A programmer codes." (no they don't)

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habereder profile image
Raphael Habereder

If everything works, obviously nothing.
The same applies if nothing works, obviously!

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theinfinitywritings profile image
Shivanand

Hello Dev Community
Programmers make Tiktok videos on how to hack your girlfriend's Instagram Account 😂

And programmers like me ask you to like my comments if they made you laugh
SO please like it 😂

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Tobias SN

Programmers are 1337 h4xx0rs that can fix all your electronics, yet are so stupid they can’t write a full Facebook clone by Friday.

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Schtrudel

Enjoy life, eat healthy food, stand up every 20 minutes as the ergonomist recommended, ...

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stereoplegic profile image
Mike Bybee

They're totally willing to get caught in that "wide net" you're casting (looking at you 20+ recruiters in 2020 alone) for a helpdesk position making 1/6th or less of what they make as devs.

Or even more excited to accept the role of Aflac representative you've decided their resumes make them perfect for!

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alohci profile image
Nicholas Stimpson

Programmers read minds to know what their clients want.

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mikecolop profile image
Mike

Person who helps their parents to set up Zoom meeting

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Adrian Perea

We will have your friend's facebook

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goldennoodles profile image
Rus Kuzmin

Fix any IT related issue... Internet not working? Call a programmer!

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maldestor95

A programmer is the electronic clock/timer for your cooker

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Pascal Charbonneau

Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don't understand.
(or so one of my t-shirt says)

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Joel D Souza

Writing bugs.

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mellen profile image
Matt Ellen

Programmer: someone who needs 5 years experience in a discipline that has only existed for 6 months.

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alex

hackers

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visum profile image
Benjamin

Programmers can draw seven red lines, all strictly perpendicular, some using green ink and some using transparent ink.

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madebyjonny profile image
madebyjonny

Programmers use hammers instead of screwdrivers

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awesomeironman profile image
Cyrus Gracias

Programmers are smart people who can fix people's computers

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chiubaca profile image
Alex Chiu

I wave my fist at the screen until the pixels do what I them to do.

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oded hassidi

Programmers are PC technicians at their spare time, and will more then happy to fix it for you

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shyams1993 profile image
Shyam Salil

A programmer does not sit at the desk for more than 5 minutes at a stretch and definitely doesn’t need coffee at all, EVER. 😋

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Shyam Salil

Programmers restart things and they start working 🤪

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Shyam Salil

Programmers mainly use HTML to code because HTML is a programming language 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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Haris Secic

We put tiny bugs in machines and then blame others

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tarascz profile image
Jiří Tarašovič

Programmer works with ones and zeros

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Saurabh Sharma

Inatalling windows

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cdaracena profile image
Christian Aracena

Programmer knows how to connect your new printer to your computer.