DEV Community

Daniel Fyhr
Daniel Fyhr

Posted on

How do you handle conflicts at work?

If you are working in a team, conflicts are bound to happen. It can be a small disagreement about tabs or spaces or something bigger.

Dealing with conflicts is an important soft skill to learn.

Please share a disagreement or an issue you had with a colleague and how you resolved it.

Discussion (18)

Collapse
bernert profile image
BernerT

Pay attention to your own ego, even if you're right. Sometimes the other party can't admit they were wrong, but will still change their mind for next time. It's important not to hold it over them.

Of course, it's always tough, but those are some thoughts.

Collapse
jessica_veit profile image
Jessica Veit

Be the change you want to see in the world 😇

Collapse
puritanic profile image
Darkø Tasevski

To quote Haruki Murakami:

“Always remember that to argue, and win, is to break down the reality of the person you are arguing against. It is painful to lose your reality, so be kind, even if you are right.”

Collapse
andrewbaisden profile image
Andrew Baisden

Solving disagreements can be a very tricky thing. I think a good way is to have a meeting between the two of you and possibly a neutral third party. So you can talk through your grievances and come to a solution that suits all parties.

Collapse
danielfy profile image
Daniel Fyhr Author

Yes, a third party can be really helpful if you can't solve it on your own.

Collapse
andrewbaisden profile image
Andrew Baisden

True because if you just have two hot headed people in one room its not going to end well. There needs to be a calm head in the middle to keep them under control 😅

Collapse
jwp profile image
John Peters

Conflicts of ideas is mostly good. It forces each side to think deeper.

Conflicts of personalities are hard. For me the best way is to disassociate if repeated attempts to come together fail. As I mature in this area I know my boundaries better and can remove damaging myself by removing myself earlier. That way my big mouth has no chance.

Collapse
danielfy profile image
Daniel Fyhr Author

This clear separation of different types of conflicts is great. It's something I've been feeling but unable articulate. Thanks for sharing!

Collapse
jwp profile image
John Peters

Yes...it's like a snake in the grass. I lost so many snake fights because my personality is to fight. Not any more, I just push back until I realize I need to stop. When I hit that wall, I simply shut down. It's easy to do when we realize there's a million other technical challenges we can focus on. My time is precious and it's not worth wasting.

Collapse
pauldubois777 profile image
Paul DuBois • Edited on

My current employer offered some really good training called "Crucial Conversations"

You can see the book here: amazon.com/dp/1260474186

And here is a site where you can get training: cruciallearning.com/

Collapse
suchintan profile image
SUCHINTAN DAS

The easiest way to deal with conflicts is to listen and evaluate what the other person is saying first before putting up our own point 🙂.

Most people have the tendency to speak up their point first 🗨. We all will agree that putting up our point is something that always pinches us while being in a discussion or debate. Right?

Yes that's the reason why most conflicts don't reach a conclusion. Because either of their sides are not ready to listen to the point of view of the other party. It's good to put up your point💁‍♂️. But it's even more important to listen and evaluate what others are saying, maybe they also have a valid point and both people in the discussion are actually right in their own position 🙊.

Same as two people looking towards 6 from front and back side. For first person it's 6 and for other person it's 9 and both are right.🤗

Conflict

Collapse
31piy profile image
Piyush Sonagara

I feel that a meaningful discussion is really worth at such times. A conversation on slack doesn't represent your expressions correctly. I recommend having a video call/face to face discussion to resolve the conflicts.

Tell them why do you feel like that and understand their thoughts too. I have realized that your (and their) ego melts quickly when you talk to each other and dive deep into more realistic things.

Collapse
danielfy profile image
Daniel Fyhr Author

I absolutely agree. I think comments on pull requests or tickets are even worse than slack.

Collapse
jmau111 profile image
jmau111

To me, you have to keep in mind the fact that you're at work.

It might seem obvious, but I've already seen people forget it and exceed all limits. Specific laws apply at work, and you should react quietly, even if you feel outraged or misunderstood.

Collapse
malzeri83 profile image
malzeri83

Believe we are not talking especially for coder colleagues but the whole world, ok? I know how to handle the conflict but when it come I do not have enough intelligence to pass it as I know. The key is - stope with your pride and "I believe I'm right and I need you to make believe it". This is even if you really right. 90% of conflicts are like battle and nobody wants to loose. If you will not care about it the conflict will reduced itself. P.S. Neutral is cool as other comments suggestions.

Collapse
sherrydays profile image
Sherry Day

Poorly at times

Collapse
eljayadobe profile image
Eljay-Adobe

For minor conflicts, just a simple bout of fisticuffs. For major conflicts, pistols at dawn. And for conflicts that are even larger than that — such as spaces versus tabs — full scale flamewar.

Collapse
ssifantus profile image
S. Sifantus

Highly recommend the book “Crucial Conversations”
cruciallearning.com/