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Sloan the DEV Moderator for CodeNewbie

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How Do You Make Friends?

What strategies have you found effective for making friends and building a social life in a new place, especially when you don't initially know anyone?

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Top comments (8)

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chuck profile image
Chuck!

Making friends again is certainly never easy, but in a new place there sure are more people like you, so you just have to open conversations when you can, respond to others, talk about something you like and try to have fun.

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rycodes profile image
Ry

This is a question I ask myself since moving countries. Making friends as an adult is a lot harder. But thinking who are the friends that stayed, almost none of them is from university or school. They are from extracurriculars I was doing. Having a strong common interest, especially if it's something like a team sport or dancing brings people closer more often than not. It forces us to work together towards a common goal and it just naturally brings close the people who are more likely to "fit" like friends.

Of course, no one should join a sport, an art club or anything with their main goal being making friends. This can happen, but it also can not.

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bugmagnet profile image
Bruce Axtens • Edited

Smiling. Making an amusing observation about something in common.

I do a LOT of talking to strangers on public transport. I speak a couple of languages so to the ones who look like they might be from India, I might say, "aap ka din kaisa rha?" (how's your day going?) Those words out of my face break the ice really well. And even if they speak Sinhala or Tamil or something exotic like Brahui, the conversation is off and running. If it's the end of the working day just asking folk how their day went often works -- generally people like to talk about themselves.

Occasionally I might say, "are you up for a chat with a stranger?" Being male I appreciate that women feel vulnerable talking to a strange male, even a 62 year old one, so I've sometimes started with, "you don't talk to strangers on public transport, do you." Phrasing it in the negative means they can comfortably say, "No I don't." and not feel particularly threatened. (See Chris Voss's book "Never Split The Difference" for the power of "no".)

So I don't find making friends hard. I start with being friendly.

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dsaga profile image
Dusan Petkovic

Oh public transportation feels awkward for me to spawn a conversation, but I am also an introvert so it makes sense for me lol

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dsaga profile image
Dusan Petkovic

I've never been too of an open person, so this is hard for me, I am ok with making small talk but how to actually "make a friend"...

I have been I new city that I moved to a few years ago, but haven't been able to find people to occasionally hang out with, an added constraint for me is that I have a family now so also restricted with time where I am available, but wouldn't mind an occasional sports game or a drink with a few like minded people.

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jordantylerburchett profile image
Jordan Tyler Burchett

Being authentic is one of the best ways I've found. Always striving to be the best friend you can be and hope it comes back. Avoid toxicity and one sided friendships. That doesn't imply you should be mean to people just because they don't communicate to the standards of which you do but make sure you build a close circle that's worth inviting others into.

Understand how communicating properly is performed. There's a line in the movie Hitch that breaks this down pretty well..

"60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language. 30% is your tone. So that means that 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth."

Happy Venturing πŸ˜‰

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stefanmoore profile image
Stefan Moore

Does them bribing me with food count?

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kurealnum profile image
Oscar

Certainly a lot easier said than done, but I like to find something in common, and try and make small-talk about that.