It does matter how you ask a question, for sure. For example, I'd really rather not work for a company with no automated testing ever again. Instead of asking, "You people do automated testing?" you can ask, "Can you tell me about your process to ensure a quality product?" People like talking about how clever their processes are, and if they have a good one, they'll probably be happy to answer, and you'll get useful insights. If the answer is "We're a bunch of geniuses who never make mistakes," I can run screaming.
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It does matter how you ask a question, for sure. For example, I'd really rather not work for a company with no automated testing ever again. Instead of asking, "You people do automated testing?" you can ask, "Can you tell me about your process to ensure a quality product?" People like talking about how clever their processes are, and if they have a good one, they'll probably be happy to answer, and you'll get useful insights. If the answer is "We're a bunch of geniuses who never make mistakes," I can run screaming.