Okay, I'm going for it.
I've never written in a blog or anything but this time I feel like I need it since I don't know where to turn, and why I've chosen here because I've never liked that much a community until I've found dev.to (between I have the stickers and I really like).
So my story began when I got recruited by a communication and marketing agency that just opened in my city as an intern while still studying for my master degree in Big data and cloud computing, so first I began with creating a desktop app (with JAVA) and administrating Salesforce ( Something I've never heard ) then after 6 months I finished my intern and they proposed to stay with them as a Big Data Developer with a good salary for someone who still didn't finish study, while I was happy having my first job with a good salary and also as a Big Data developer, and also the CEO of the company told me that I'm a good piece of his company and that I'm smart and dynamic ... well, I was so happy. First I was as an administer of Salesforce and sometimes develop in it, while since when something is new for me I found it exciting and start learning it so I start learning salesforce and executing what I learn in the field well it was going well, but then I stoped learning, the company don't have many projects so we work momentarily like once in 2 months and for all the month nothing to do just taking care if any technical issues happen in the call centre, First I said well I will use all this free time to learn more about big data and try to apply something and I'm reciving my salary it's cool I can be underpendant.Days going with no work to do in the company just taking care of the technical issues in the Call center desktops so I lost envy to code or to do anything It has nothing to do with my dream job I don't even do things in relation to code, now I feel like I'm scared of code ,it's been 7 months for me in the comapny and without touching one letter of code, I keep reading here and articles about tech, programming, project but I can't begin or touch anything in relation . I was so good at coding (since I was the best in my class and stuff) and this wasn't important I was so happy touching code, reading it, staying nights trying to find a solution of problems, coding robots, participating in competitions well I found myself in all coding memes. Now I can't even touch a code, every time I try to begin something my mind tells me " bro you haven't code for a months you can't do things now" I lost all the envy to code even if coding was the best thing I've learnt and I've never been this sure about what I want to study, but now I lost it and I don't have someone to talk with him about this that can understand me (well I do with my girlfriend but she can't really understand since she has no relation with coding or anything in relation ), I'm even scared to apply for other jobs because I feel like I have nothing in my mind to sell now even if I feel lke I do but it's blocked. Well I'm not good in English or even at writing I don't know if what I wrote will be read by someone or will I receive any comments or answers but my mind told me maybe someone in this community may understand me or something.
Thank you for reading.
(Sorry for my poor English)
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Top comments (5)
I've been a software developer for 35 years. My first computer was a TRS80 Model 1 in 1978. I guess I can say that I've been where you are, and at different times thought of giving it up and doing something else. Today I'm in the latter years of my career, so giving it up is innevitable. Most of us that program forget that it is a lonely path. We spend our time transfixed on one thing - a thing that is a solo endeavor, although we might work on a team. But the reality is your code is YOUR code. Not others. Sure, you might have to maintain other people's code (yuk) but ultimately the thing that drives us is that code is just another language and a good coder is like a great book writer. You express yourself through code.
Authors go through patches where they can't write. They often need a muse of someone that can either motivate or keep them on track. Coders don't get that. We are expected to be self-motivational. For the most part, the money keeps us that way. If you are broke, coding will bring you out of poverty. If you are wealthy, then the need to code isn't because of money and you have to find another reason. Most of the time our egos dictate that our expression through code is much the same motivator a writer gets through authoring a book, or a poet gets by writing prose, or a musician gets by playing or constructing music. It is our egos that drive our willingness to do what we do.
If you are programming for someone else (ie. job, contract, etc.) then you can't find solace in your ego by that. You ultimately have to code because it tells you that you are good at something - it strokes your ego which is something all humans need. But I find that if you are financially ok, then the need to do it probably isn't going to be motivational if it is for someone else.
For me, I can only code now if I'm working on some invention that I created. Something that is mine. This is an ego based need. I can't stand clients and their demands. I can't stand their lack of empathy with just how complex inter-connecting pieces of a puzzle are and what it takes to string it all together and make it work. They don't understand anything that I do, yet they rely solely on what we all can create. The fact is that they lost the will to do anything manually long ago, and yet treat coders as nerds who they want to stomp their feet and demand more, more, more from. Just because they can't do this themselves. They will do everything psychologically to make coders feel obligated to them, even though they couldn't do shit if we didn't code it for them.
There is absolute understanding and justification into why some coders become dark side hackers. They love what they do, they get enormous ego benefit from it, but they can't stand the clients. They know they have all the power, yet they rarely get to enjoy that. Maybe the money helps, but then what?
The fact of all of this is that coding is lonely, good money but so is being a lawyer or a doctor. Are we creating a new world that motivates us to embrace what we do? Some are. But if you are just an employee and you are bored, the reality is that you have to start saving your money big time, go out and do this on your own so that your ego is served by what you create, and that you are doing this for you - not for some client you would never befriend outside of work.
If that is out of the question, give it up and do something else. The world is your oyster.
It sounds like you have a lot of built up nervous energy towards coding and no outlet. I have a theory that nervous energy drives code development, and that personality trait is actually very positive in this industry. If you don't want to or are not allowed to write code in your time, then maybe consider reading more. It may help relax and provide more confidence.
Yes I do read , thank you
I read this article last week, maybe it can boost your motivation to still struggling with this... All I can say is a Don't Give Up
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Please read this... Good luck
medium.freecodecamp.org/graphic-de...
Thank you