[tl; dr] Trying to get my life together with mental illness, looking for guidance without hating myself back into deep depression.
So, I've been trying to get my depression under control. An idea I had was to "play/pretend professional". A sort of "I'll dedicate however long I can each day towards developing project ideas and resume building a day". I'll admit, I've no idea what I'm doing, I only know that I must try something and that something needs to change. I'm attempting to adopt a growth mindset, despite my conditioning.
So I'd like to put myself in this kind of life where I can:
- handle hours and work load
- live independently and be myself
- become a contributing member, where I can do social good
When job seeking (this sound familiar to you?):
- hardly get any communication back
- there are very few positions which I can both physically reach and possibly have skill for (I can't afford to move!)
- my mental health issues can make me physically unsafe in response to some postings
- negative self talk
- toxic attitudes of the posters (even including advice posts!)
- may have lost support from insurance after outing myself
- enormous gaps on my resume
- going from being "do what I'm told" to being proactive
I'm trying not to be a victim or child, or why expose myself with asking for help? Or commit time to work to better myself? What matters to me is not fault or blame. It's what I can actually do right now. I'm not interested in "facing final judgement for my sins", but rather to grow and accept feedback, critique, and to continue that loop of growth.
I'm attempting to put together a "resume" website, where I showcase some of my work. Now I know it needs to be presentable. The ideas I've found online are concerning, since I'd like to keep it simple, easy to read, and not distracting.
I'd like to do "exploratory work", and present it on the website, showing that I'm both capable of learning new tech, and skills which an employer may find useful.
My future's rather dark right now. Thanks for any guidance, and please, while I can't stop you, I ask you to consider the impact of your words. So far the community has shown a certain lack of toxicity, which I'm grateful. Thank you for reading!