Here's my two cents about inclusiveness in a CoC, or technical work in a team in general.
Whenever I see something like
Using welcoming and inclusive language
I try to take a step back from the bad experiences things like that can bring. On the one hand, yes, there are people out there who make a big deal out of discrimination and end up being a pain to deal with. On the other hand, there are also people out there who are too condescending, or just plain insensitive, for a lot of people to work with. They may not actually be all that arrogant, they may just deliver critique in a way that sounds arrogant:
fix whitespace and resub the pull req. see coding standards in wiki
This is completely technical, but it makes you sound like you're talking down to the contributor. You made the assumption that the contributor didn't bother to read your coding standards, and somebody could read it as "didn't bother reading the formatting standards, huh?". It can be quite condescending.
Please follow the guidelines in the wiki limiting characters per line.
Our devs use many different editors and monitor setups, and we cannot
accept contributions with lines that are too long.
That one is a bit long winded, and it isn't perfect, but it shows you bothered to actually read their pull request and pick out exactly what it is that needs to be fixed. More importantly, it's very specific about why a rule exists in the first place, and removes the knee-jerk everybody can still have from "because I'm your parent and I said so" moments in childhood.
Id really recommend you to watch this. youtu.be/7lzpYQFdk-c
It really explains why someone doesn't really care about the formulation of comment in pull request or any kind of criticism.
This explains why certain groups of people may not care, like those who come from cultures that are very explicit in criticisms. But doesn't it also highlight that on the other end of the spectrum, you should be even more careful?
Some additional context, I'm Chinese American, so according to her, I'm from the two extremes of the communication explicitness spectrum. I'm also from the middle and explicit end of the feedback explicitness spectrum.
That explains why most modern tendencies feel so alien to me
It does highlight. I never meant that negative criticism should be always given and taken directly. This has to be mutual and both parties have to aware of what they're dealing with. Basically, don't end up in a situation where fix whitespace and resub the pull req. see coding standards in wiki doesn't have any hidden meaning, such as because I'm your parent and I said so but is just a request to meet project contribution guidelines.
Also, being Chinese American. Speaker also mentioned that her numbers apply for majority of the nation and that that's the tendency she has found. My humble guess is that she really means not the nation itself, but the country and the community someone has grown in. Remember her own children example. They're American French, but since they're growing up in France, they are used to the way French people communicate.
Well I'd agree with you that the situation should be avoided in the first place. To me, that means when you talk with strangers, you should default to being very explicit and overly respectful, and become more loose as you get to know people better.
Yes, that's exactly it. Just don't look for hidden meaning when there's literally none :)
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