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Discussion on: Being disrespected 🀬 / ignored 😢 in an IT job. What do you do?

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the3rdc profile image
Cody Crumrine • Edited

For better or worse I have never seen anyone get respect by demanding it. Not once.

I have sometimes seen people get respect by proving they deserve it. Sometimes.

The only consistent way I've seen anyone get the respect of their peers - from "junior" to "director" - is reciprocity.

People respect the people who make them feel respected. They disrespect the people who don't. We are emotional creatures - not logical ones - and merit really doesn't come into it.

In fact, being 23 and even asking for more recognition - even though it sounds like you've totally earned it - probably makes people who have worked longer in a similar position feel devalued. They'll likely react by devaluing you (and they won't know that's why they're doing it).

It's not fair, it's not right, but... It is hackable.

Wherever you are currently - if you're still dealing with this - invest some time and effort in letting your co-workers know (whether they are over or under you) that you value their experience, skills and contributions. (And be genuine, if you don't actually value them then work on convincing yourself first).

I bet it won't be long before the same people who insist you're only junior start saying "You know, I know she's young, but she really deserves some recognition."

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steveelsewhere profile image
Steve Pereira

Your advice is a little strange given she never asked to be senior and nowhere did it mention she doesn't show respect or recognition to her co-workers. What are you basing your prescription on?

You know what's worse than being at an intermediate level? Baseless assumption and projecting. Even worse than that is giving advice based on assumption and projecting.

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the3rdc profile image
Cody Crumrine • Edited

She mentions asking to be senior in the post about Smart City jobs that she links to in this one. It sounds like she was not only told "no" but was told "no" in a very public and humiliating way - which is awful. I don't blame her a bit for leaving that situation.

I don't believe I said anywhere that she doesn't show respect or recognition to her co-workers. I have no idea what her relationship with her co-workers is like. Sorry if I implied that I did.

I'm sharing what I know from experience does/doesn't work when cultivating respectful relationships with co-workers. That's the best way I can help: give my best advice. If she's already been following it then it can't hurt to hear it again - and if it's a new way to think about it then I've been helpful.

Most of the comments I saw - both positive or negative - have focused on merit (whether someone does/doesn't deserve respect). I thought it would be useful to point out the emotional (and less rational) side of things.

(Edit: I checked the Smart City link again to make sure I wasn't mis-remembering. Here's what she says:

"I didn't quitted because I disliked my job, I quitted because I felt I was working too much for a "junior programmer" and without any recognition. I was denied many petitions and humiliated in front of my colleagues many times."

I assumed the "petitions" mentioned were requests to not be labeled "junior programmer". To your point that doesn't mean she was specifically asking to be labeled "senior". I'll edit my original comment.

And to make myself exceptionally clear - if she was asking to be "senior", or any other specific title - I'm not saying it was wrong to do so. Just trying to point out that it might contribute to a subconscious bias from people who have been in the industry longer. That bias isn't something we should accept or encourage - but it is something we can be aware of and manage.)

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helleworld_ profile image
DesirΓ© πŸ‘©β€πŸŽ“πŸ‘©β€πŸ« Author

Sorry but you're misunderstanding and just guessing what my petitions are, I still don't know why people in comments are talking about senior or junior when I never said anything about it.

My "petitions" were more formation, a flexible schedule and a pay rise according to the responsabilities I had, responsabilities that weren't appropiate for a junior title.

Thank you for your response and have a nice day.