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I am still a developer ...

shristi428 profile image Shristi Negi ・3 min read

I know how it feels when you are in the final year of your engineering and everyone got placed except you. I know how alone you feel when everyone starts a new chapter and you still stuck in struggle. I don't want to blame the pandemic for my situation. I go through many interview processes. Try to keep me motivated and strong and always wake up with new hope. But today I start feeling that if I will never succeed. What if I failed to grab a single opportunity? It is natural for any brain to start thinking about the "if" side of the situation. I got a chance from google to prove myself and failed to prove myself. I got a chance from Blackrock, VMWare, comvault, etc. After all, these fail attempts, I start feeling like am I in the right direction? I know I am not alone in this world who faced this or facing this, but as a human, I start doubting myself, my abilities.
People say every successful person has a story of so many fail attempts. This is true, I know. But every person is different, the situation is different. Maybe one person is wasting his/her time in the wrong direction. Who knows what is the right direction? Who will show us the path? These questions are tricky right but the answer is simple. The one who will show me what is right direction is only me. I am the one who can help me. I tell you why ...
Well, honestly I realized this last week after spending time with myself and think about my decisions. Last week was very heartbroken for me. Gone through so many mental problems.
After spending time with me, I asked the same questions. First I thought I need to ask someone and I did, but everyone was busy now so no response. I start feeling more alone and worthless but I don't want to give up. Then I open up the Patreon website and start searching for people who are developers. I found one common thing that all developers are working alone or in a group but they are still living their dream as a developer but on their own. I found about Patreon through youtube.
It is hard for me to explain my thinking but after searching about Patreon how it works I found answers to my questions. I realized that to achieve something we have to change our path when needed. I want to be a developer but I can become a developer without any big company too. A tech company is nothing without developers but a developer is a developer without a company too. I am not saying I am a great developer but I want to say that you never know when you will become a good developer. Long story short I feel like platforms like Patreon will help me to achieve my dream. I am planning how to start and what to do but at least this gives me a light to try one more time.
I am still a developer. I know I am not in a big tech company and I don't have any manager but I have my tools, skills, passion, and platform to showcase my work. The first step is the hardest step. I try my best , if I fail I will again ask myself and figure out the solution.
People who read this, I want to thank them.

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