It has been 8 months into my computer science masters program and I have seen 3 friends switch majors or drop out.
The only issue I have noticed is that there are not as many women developers. This is not a revolutionary statement and it is heartbreaking to think about.
People shine when they feel comfortable and valued. The best environment is when humor is welcomed at work.
In a field when there is a lot to live up to in terms of representing women, you tend to think about performing your very best. That your actions may pave the pathway for someone after you. And that your results, define you.
I also struggle with the image that I am not a developer and the classmates I have are nice enough to work with me because I am the only girl at class.
Working with male classmates have been alright, they always find humor in work. They work at their best even when they struggle and they do not beat themselves up over it. I find it difficult to laugh along with them when I have this huge invisible baggage on my shoulder. The more I think about the weight, the more I fall behind in class and the cycle is endless.
I want to love coding, I truly do. I search for inspiring women to look up to in this field. There are many out there, but it just feels like maybe they are the rarity that made it big into the field. That sometimes the odds were with them and they succeeded. I just wish they were more stories from women who began coding and struggled but eventually they are doing fine. Doing just fine sounds truly remarkable at this point because everything in this course seems so daunting.
This is my first post, unedited, not made to impress anyone but I want it out there. I want it to be the things that I have truly felt being a minority in this field and how lonely it feels 80 percent of the time. I have been 4 years into this field and the feelings do not just fade away, it is only adapted to.
I hope that someone out there relates to this. And if you do, just know that we will eventually find humor in our work as well. We need to throw the weight off our shoulders and just be free!
We will do just fine.
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