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Discussion on: Women in tech: Being a developer and a mom 🤪

remotesynth profile image
Brian Rinaldi

I am so glad to hear you have a supportive employer. I have been lucky in my own career to have generally had that too. Parenting is difficult. Moms tend to have a lot of societal pressures that dads do not. It's something that needs to change.

My husband is a great partner and dad, but when I ask him to take time off work because our kid is sick or has a doctor appointment he gets super stressed out and claims he can’t possibly request time off from work for something related to parenting. So it often falls to me. Because I am the mom, and someone has to do it, and it’s the mom’s job, right?

I am not judging your husband here. I understand how he felt. When I went to the head of HR at Hasbro and asked what the paternity policy was, he laughed out loud and then said, "Wait, you're serious?" They had no paternity leave policy whatsoever (granted this was 12 years ago their policy may have changed). I told him I was serious, and thankfully I had a boss who had young kids and was understanding, so I got 2 weeks, which isn't much but I didn't have to face repercussions due to taking it even against policy. So, I get it.

Since then, it is an important qualification for me as a dad to ask of any company I join. Even with kids that are older, the intrusion on parenting responsibilities on a normal day are a near daily occurrence. If employers continue to lose candidates due to poor support of family responsibilities, regardless of gender, one would hope it would bring about change. This is especially true here in the US where even maternity leave is often not required by law. 🤦‍♂️That simply leaves us with shaming and rejecting companies that are not family-friendly until the law changes.

l wish you the best in the upcoming birth of your second child continued success in your career as a dev! And keep sharing.

rose profile image
Rose Author

Thanks very much for your response and support! 🙂 Things have been much more balanced here since my husband switched employers, thank goodness.

The lack of maternity leave in the US astounds me, and mothers who somehow manage to return to work quickly after giving birth are superheros in my eyes - I do not know how they manage. But they also shouldn't have to 🙁

kahn profile image
Karim Hussain • Edited on

In Sweden both parents are given 6 months maternity/paternity leave each. And dads are forced to take 10 days from the day the kid gets born and also forced to take atleast 3 of those 6 months i their own. The other 3 months can be given to the mom, if you want to.