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Behind the Vibrant Things

mariel
Dev. I love dogs, cookies, and learning new things.
・2 min read

(Yet another #tbt from my website. I haven't actually counted how many of them there are. Eventually I will get to a point where I'm cross-posting at the same time. I swear. I wrote this one night when I was sad and discouraged. I've had it sitting in drafts since September 25, 2019.)

I love writing but I do not enjoy writing blog posts to be read by other people. I feel like I am still new here. What could I have to contribute? I have not created anything significant or novel. I have learned how to do things that web developers need to know, and I have followed lessons and tutorials to gain both knowledge and practice.

I am a new developer, but I am not a new professional or a new person. I’ve had a professional life, such as it has been. I was a lawyer who tried to help people both at their worst and experiencing the worst. I exercised compassion when it would have been easier not to, I related to people whose experiences I had not come close to, and I tried to give back more than I’d received. I have helped draft legislation and waded through federal budget documentation. I have kept a small business running day-to-day. I know how to negotiate, how to advocate, and how to listen.

So why do I still feel like this is not my space? Why have I been afraid to claim it for myself? Is it because of the perfectionism I have grown used to? Is it because I am afraid to fail? Probably both.

I am almost at the end of my program, on the verge of declaring that yes I am indeed a full stack developer. Maybe not an old one and maybe not yet a good one, but an eager and able one. This space belongs to me just as much as it does to anyone else.

I need to practice writing blog posts to be read by other people. Even if they are short and small and dull. Behind the vibrant things are the short and small and dull steps taken to make them.

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