Kim Arnett [she/her] leads the mobile team at Deque Systems, bringing expertise in iOS development and a strong focus on accessibility, user experience, and team dynamics.
No joke. Early in my career many people I worked with were middle aged and all their kids were either grown up or they had a stay at home spouse who handled everrrything. My daughter was running a fever and had to be picked up from school. I told my manager I needed to leave and why, and replied I’d be online in about an hour to finish from home. His reply was “what’s your husband doing”? I was in shock. My husband didn’t have flex time or a WFH policy, but what does it matter what he’s doing. My daughters sick and needs to go home. /endrant.
I'm not even a parent and this made me angry for you! My partner used to work for a particularly unpleasant employer whose response to any request for a day off/early finish to deal with some house/pet/family thing was "Why can't your girlfriend do it?" "Um, because she's done the last three things so it's definitely my turn?"
Guilt about having any kind of life and commitments outside of work, really.
Special needs dad here. I know exactly what you mean. So much guilt-tripping about leaving work to accompany my kid at the hospital, therapy, whatever. "Isn't your wife with her?" Yes, but that's not the point. My family is more important than my job, but so many people have that backwards.
Kim Arnett [she/her] leads the mobile team at Deque Systems, bringing expertise in iOS development and a strong focus on accessibility, user experience, and team dynamics.
Now come on Ben, obviously you would have done a better job coding that thing at 3pm in the office instead of 6pm at home after picking up your kid from school.
BEING A MOM.
No joke. Early in my career many people I worked with were middle aged and all their kids were either grown up or they had a stay at home spouse who handled everrrything. My daughter was running a fever and had to be picked up from school. I told my manager I needed to leave and why, and replied I’d be online in about an hour to finish from home. His reply was “what’s your husband doing”? I was in shock. My husband didn’t have flex time or a WFH policy, but what does it matter what he’s doing. My daughters sick and needs to go home. /endrant.
I'm not even a parent and this made me angry for you! My partner used to work for a particularly unpleasant employer whose response to any request for a day off/early finish to deal with some house/pet/family thing was "Why can't your girlfriend do it?" "Um, because she's done the last three things so it's definitely my turn?"
Guilt about having any kind of life and commitments outside of work, really.
This, this, this.
Special needs dad here. I know exactly what you mean. So much guilt-tripping about leaving work to accompany my kid at the hospital, therapy, whatever. "Isn't your wife with her?" Yes, but that's not the point. My family is more important than my job, but so many people have that backwards.
so much YES! And it's joint responsibility...one person can't always be responsible!
Cheers to fighting the good fight
As if your contributions to a company could ever map back to the literal time you have your butt in the chair anyway.
Now come on Ben, obviously you would have done a better job coding that thing at 3pm in the office instead of 6pm at home after picking up your kid from school.
...Oh wait.
That makes me really angry. The question is so thoroughly inappropriate. It's shocking.