It's definitely more of a challenge, but it's all about balance. My wife is very understanding. She gets that this is a hobby and professional development so the time I spend on it is truly beneficial for my career and my mental health.
When my daughter is in bed and my wife is watching something I don't care for on TV, I pop in earbuds and write code, read, or watch lectures while being in the room with her. This will help both of you feel less like you're absent.
But at times you need some separation and that's fine. It's no different than when I go out to the garage to do some woodworking project.
It's harder with young kids, and even at age 9 my daughter isn't quite as understanding as my wife, but I also find time to teach her about computers at her level, which helps you reconnect with your younger self's passion. Still, for my personal stuff, I mostly wait until she goes to bed.
My advice is help with the running of the house, whether helping cook or wash dishes or otherwise, and help get the kids to bed. These little things will prevent both of you from feeling like you're "always on your computer" and the more you help today, the better you'll both feel if you spend a little extra time on your computer tomorrow.
You'll also have to get better at working in 3 hour chunks of time instead of 8, as we in this field are used to.
And finally, communication! Tell your wife if you need to spend the next 3 hours without being interrupted. Tell her about what you're working on and how it's important. And also listen when she tells you she needs you to not do it tonight!
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It's definitely more of a challenge, but it's all about balance. My wife is very understanding. She gets that this is a hobby and professional development so the time I spend on it is truly beneficial for my career and my mental health.
When my daughter is in bed and my wife is watching something I don't care for on TV, I pop in earbuds and write code, read, or watch lectures while being in the room with her. This will help both of you feel less like you're absent.
But at times you need some separation and that's fine. It's no different than when I go out to the garage to do some woodworking project.
It's harder with young kids, and even at age 9 my daughter isn't quite as understanding as my wife, but I also find time to teach her about computers at her level, which helps you reconnect with your younger self's passion. Still, for my personal stuff, I mostly wait until she goes to bed.
My advice is help with the running of the house, whether helping cook or wash dishes or otherwise, and help get the kids to bed. These little things will prevent both of you from feeling like you're "always on your computer" and the more you help today, the better you'll both feel if you spend a little extra time on your computer tomorrow.
You'll also have to get better at working in 3 hour chunks of time instead of 8, as we in this field are used to.
And finally, communication! Tell your wife if you need to spend the next 3 hours without being interrupted. Tell her about what you're working on and how it's important. And also listen when she tells you she needs you to not do it tonight!