Photo by arash payam on Unsplash
Hello folks! Welcome back 👋🏻 I trust you are doing well.
As you probably figured from the title, today I'd like to talk about impostor syndrome. I know what you're thinking: "Ah, another one of these posts... Bye 🙄". Just hear me out before you leave. I promise I won't make it too long (at least not 30 minutes long).
🚨 DISCLAIMER #1: Be warned; this one sounds like a rant. Not suitable for the faint at heart. Proceed at your own risk or hit the back button before you regret it.
Brief intro ✍🏻
I've been wanting to write about this topic for a while now, but I just couldn't find the words to approach this topic. After a conversation with @theowlsden , I finally got the clarity I need it, and here I am, finally writing about it.
Let's settle this topic once and for all, shall we?
What is impostor syndrome? 🤔
So sorry to reiterate this point here, but I need a baseline. For those unfamiliar with the term, here's a definition I found on Wikipedia:
Impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud". Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved.
As you can see from the definition above, impostor syndrome is entirely mental and often fictitious. I personally believe that those experiencing it or those who have experienced it, are to blame for feeling this way (this includes me too). What I mean by this is that we effectively engage in self-sabotaging activities, therefore increasing the likelihood of falling victim to impostor syndrome. We literally bring this upon ourselves with our actions.
Now, let me be very clear about one thing: impostor syndrome !== self-doubt! I've heard and seen some folks say that impostor syndrome is not real and that it is just a fancy term used to refer to self-doubt. I don't agree in the least with such statement. In fact, I am under the impression that the folks making such statement, have not experienced impostor syndrome. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but I personally believe that self-doubt is merely a part of what makes up impostor syndrome as a whole.
In the next sections, I'll be sharing with you what I believe are key contributors to impostor syndrome.
🚨 DISCLAIMER #2: The opinions and thoughts expressed below are my own. If you are struggling with mental health issues, please consider seeking help from a professional. This blog is not intended to serve as medical advice. Proceed at your own discretion.
1️⃣ Unrealistic expectations 💭
Expectations, we all have them, yet they are not inherently bad in nature. Having expectations is good to some extent, so long they are realistic. Unrealistic expectations are the key ingredient for disappointment and do far more harm than good.
Say you just landed a great job and things are going great. However, on one good day, your inner impostor rises and takes control.
Suddenly you expect yourself to know everything, to not have to ask anyone for help, to seem and be competent at all times. All you do is create expectations for yourself. You think (and want to believe) that these expectations are being forced on you by others, when in reality, it's all your doing. You played yourself! You set such unattainable expectations for yourself and consequently ended up getting disappointed the moment you couldn't meet them.
Here's my two cents: accept that you will never know it all. Accept that it is okay to ask for help, to not have the answer to all questions. Be okay with admitting that you don't know, with saying: "I'm stuck, I need help". There is nothing wrong with acknowledging your knowledge and/or skill gaps. You are here to learn. What you don't know today, you'll know someday not too far in the future. So, go easy on the expectations and set them straight, for good!
2️⃣ Comparing yourself to others 😢
You know the drill: you hop on your social media of choice and scroll through your feed until you are almost brain dead. Awesome! While scrolling through your feed, you see all these awesome folks you look up to. You can't help but think one (or all) of the following:
- "Oh, X is so cool! I wish I could be like them..."
- "Man, how I wish I had that many followers..."
- "Damn, I'd love to work for Y; that's my dream company! X is so lucky to be working there... I hope I can make it to Y one day..."
GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, WILL YOU?! 😡 Nothing infuriates me more than to see and hear people lament about how unsuccessful they are when COMPARED to others. Gee, focus on your damn self! Stop looking left and right for people to measure yourself up to! Nothing wrong with admiring someone, but never EVER compare yourself to them. You are two different people, with different qualities (strengths, weaknesses, skills etc.) and different life circumstances. Feeling sorry for yourself will get you NO WHERE.
Let that sink in for a bit, okay? And don't blame social media for how YOU feel when using it. Sure, social media is pretty evilly engineered, but YOU choose how much time you spend on it and doing what. If it makes you feel so bad about yourself, why are you spending so much time on it? Are you a masochist by any chance?
Focus on your journey and your journey alone. Notice how I say journey here. It's not a race by any means. It's not about how fast you go and how famous you get. Slow but steady is fine. Progress is progress. Stop getting distracted by other people's success and focus on YOURSELF.
Fun fact: most people don't share their failure stories on the net. They typically feed their audience the feel-good and badass content. You choose if you want to keep indulging and getting deluded by these one-sided fables. 🤷🏻♀️
3️⃣ Not accepting that you are a beginner 😕
This one is closely related to setting unrealistic expectations. I see many skip the beginner phase. They never state a role they held with the word junior on their resume (they typically omit the word junior altogether). Why would they, right? Everyone's a senior dev straight out of college/uni/bootcamp, RIGHT? Obviously not! 🙄
By ignoring your humble beginnings, you don't help yourself. You just corner yourself further and make the encounter with your inner impostor more inevitable (just like Thanos 😉). At this point, you are already falling in the vicious circle that is setting unrealistic expectations. By not acknowledging where you are currently standing in your career you'll wind up expecting yourself to be at a level much higher than the one you are currently on. To top it all, you'll get in the way of your growth, both personal and professional.
To all the newbies (or otherwise) out there: come to terms with the fact that you are just getting started. Stop trying to be a freaking senior dev since day one. Embrace the journey, welcome the struggle. Failing to accept where you are currently standing in your career will only get in your way. You have been warned...
4️⃣ You don't give yourself enough credit 🏅
You accomplish something? You don't acknowledge it. You hit a milestone? You don't celebrate that win. People compliment your work? You invalidate their compliment. See? I was right. All you do is self-sabotage! You get in your own way over and over and over again. Yet somehow, you hope you'll feel better about yourself by engaging in these destructive behaviors. Truly delusional...
If all you do is keep yourself small, how do you expect to grow? Take pride in what you do and have accomplished and continue building on top of it. Change your mindset (especially how you see yourself and think about yourself) and notice how everything around you starts changing too.
My message here is clear: GIVE 👏🏻 YOURSELF 👏🏻 MORE 👏🏻 CREDIT 👏🏻. Take that compliment. Celebrate that win. Know that what you have done up until now has value, no matter how small an achievement it is.
The end 🙌🏻
Hooray, you made it this far down! 🎉 Thanks for tuning in for this one. Smash that 💖 or 🦄 if you believe this should have been a TEDx speech. Just kidding!
I truly hope that you could take away something from this rant (if not you may want to read this again 🤭). I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so don't hesitate to drop them below. Let's keep it civil and constructive, shall we?
Now, say your goodbyes to your inner impostor!
Take care and see you next time! 👩🏻💻👨🏻💻
Sources
Good ol' Wikipedia
A superb infographic on Impostor Syndrome
The source of the infographic
Tips on how to cope with Impostor Syndrome
Another good resource
Still here? Catch me on Twitter or find me elsewhere! If you like my blogs and are feeling generous, kindly consider to 👇🏻
Top comments (35)
Great post as always, Amelia! This one was particularly spicy, but I'm totally here for it, and I'm happy to throw in my own spicy opinions 😉
Everyone is different, so I can only speak to my own experience. For me, my imposter syndrome was/is strongly tied to my struggles with undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety/panic disorder.
You made some really good suggestions in your post - "get off social media", "stop comparing yourself to others", "acknowledge that you're still a beginner", etc. These are the exact same things I have told myself time and time again, in the past. Yet it always felt impossible to follow my own advice, and telling myself these things actually ended up making me feel worse!
I would beat myself up because these should've been simple pieces of advice to follow, but my anxiety wouldn't let me accept them. On top of that, my ADHD would make it hard to focus on my projects, which led to even more anxiety, which then distracted me from my projects even more - a vicious cycle.
I've recently been speaking to some mental health professionals, and am finally being properly treated for these disorders. A combination of medication and therapy has made a WORLD of difference, and I'm finally beginning to feel like the best version of myself!
I think your advice in this article is spot on. Some people who struggle with poor mental health may have trouble following your advice, and may need to focus on their underlying conditions first - that's okay. Everyone is different, and everyone faces different challenges. In the end, we all just have to figure out what works best for us.
Thank you for sharing :)
Hey @cariehl ! Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thorough comment! 🙇🏻♀️ Now, let me get back at some of your points.
I must admit that I tend to speak from an insensitive place, though I'm glad you took no offense to anything I wrote. (Or so I hope!) Frankly said, I mean no harm with my stingy words and tough love.
I'm so sorry to hear that! 😢 And I fully acknowledge that these wrong-doers don't make it easy to overcome impostor syndrome.
I'm so glad to see things are working out well for you! 😊💖 I wish you the best in your journey towards recovery!
Hence the multiple disclaimers. I know damn well that we are all fighting different demons, so my "advice" may definitely be unhelpful to most. I'm just a mere mortal and I am well aware that there's no one-size-fits-all solution to this issue. Despite this, I hope that some may be able to fight their way out of this mental trap and finally find happiness.
Once again, thank you for sharing your thoughts and your experience with us! I appreciate it more than you can imagine! 🙇🏻♀️
No offense taken at all! Your articles wouldn't be the same without that spicy tone, and like you said, you included multiple disclaimers - I think you have the perfect level of self-awareness while still expressing your voice 😊
Thanks for responding, and I look forward to your next article!
You're too kind @cariehl ! 😊 Thank you for reading these spicy posts, haha! 😂
Some facts are being said there!😂 People might get triggered.
Say it louder for the people in the back! As soon as you feel that you only get bombarded with success stories and they make you feel bad, do yourself a favor and get off for some time.
Indeed. And try to make it what you like it to be, don't be looking at other people's lives and try to make your journey identical.
Great content as always! Keep it up💪💪
LOL, that'd be their problem, not mine. 😉 But hey, I warned 'em.
Best advice one can give tbh 🙌🏻
10 billion points to you! (Shameless Dr Stone reference)
Thanks for dropping by as usual! 🙇🏻♀️
Wow, slapping some hot tea this time! ☕🔥
I find impostor syndrome one of the most interesting topics to read from devs. It makes you realise just how universal the experience is. It's nice to see you're offering solid advice here! 😁
My favourite one is the social media issue. It's such a widespread problem that the majority of people I see are suffering from it in one way or another. Even if it's not mindlessly going through Instagram, it's looking up to those "code gurus" on Youtube. Those people always seem to
brag aboutget the next great opportunity after the other while having a successful career as a Youtuber at the same time. Yes, I am absolutely salty about these people! (Of course, there are also some great people)To add a little to it, as someone who suffers from it as well, I've found that helping others (either actively or through blogging) helps a ton with battling it. Mentoring even moreso. It makes you realise that you're not as much of a fraud as you think you are. You bombard yourself with real-life examples after all.
Haha, at least I tried! 😅
And rightfully so! How can some people have such perfect and rose-colored lives? Oh, they are hiding stuff, that's why! So many put on these tough acts like: "Oh look at me I'm so successful", yet they hardly ever (not to say never) share their failure stories. If all you do is share one side of the story, you are basically misleading your followers. That's what annoys me about some "influencers" the most.
I agree with the points raised here. We just have to acknowledge our work more and this can be accomplished thorough mentoring and helping others as you stated. You literally have to constantly prove your inner impostor wrong until it finally shuts the fudge up!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts as usual @naseki ! I appreciate it! 🙇🏻♀️
I really liked this post, as someone who had struggled with imposter syndrome for years, I felt that you really express well the feelings and thoughts behind it and that you give great suggestions to overcome it.
I have a blog that I write in Hebrew for beginner Android developers, and I would LOVE to translate your post and post it in my blog (with all the credits and referring to the original post of course). Would that be possible?
Glad to hear you liked this ranty post 😂
ABSOLUTELY! 🙌🏻 Fine by me 😁 Hope your audience finds value in it too!
Thank you so much!
Here's my translated post
androidoss.vercel.app/post/imposter/
That was fast! 😮👏🏻
Helpful post, Amelia! I am almost as new to not only this forum but also developing as anyone. Imposter syndrome is on my mind every step of the way as I consider changing careers from teaching (for over 2 decades) to coding. I do it as a hobby and literally have only taught it at the elementary level. So the idea of competing in the job market in the future with the millions of people like yourself who are young but have so much more experience... well let's just say I've been thinking about doing this for a few years now and always talk myself out of it. How could I compete?
But recently I saw Amazon advertising for a cloud administrator with education background. Who will they likely hire? Someone with minimal education background because very few teachers move into the coding sector. So maybe that could be my niche. Thanks again for posting this and helping me realize loads of people go through this as they first start out.
I'd suggest you ask yourself the following question instead:
What can I bring to the tech space to make it better? In that way you stop hurting yourself thinking that you need to have top notch skills and that you have to be ahead of others in order to be employable.
Yes, that could indeed be it! Try to use what you know from your education background and use that to make yourself stand out. A unique skill set can take you much further than you imagine. Besides, technical skills are great and all, but companies are paying more and more attention to soft skills in tech.
So rest assured, there is a place for you here! And in case there is no place (which is highly unlikely), why not create it? 😉
Thank you so much for dropping by and sharing your thoughts! 😊
I normally don’t leave negative comments, but mental health is an issue close to my heart, as someone who used to work in the industry. So I just want to say that if you are a reader who feels worse off after reading this article - you’re not alone. The article is written with little regard to and empathy for neuroatypical people or the whopping one third of us who struggle with mental ill health. I’m sure this was not the author’s intent.
Having said this, I am glad many people are finding it useful. We’re all different, and I really appreciate diverse opinions, even if I don’t always agree. I do appreciate this content and find the fact that I’m the first (or even only one!) to point above out a fascinating testament to the breadth of the human experience :)
Express yourself freely. I'm not one to go around censoring people.
I'd like to make clear that I have struggled with mental health issues, surely not on the clinical level, but I've struggled and am still struggling for some part. In the end I'm a mere mortal and I feel pain too. It was absolutely not my intention to hurt anybody. I knew this baby (this post) was not gonna land well with everyone. Despite this, I published the blog post anyway. I made sure to add various disclaimers, since I know some people will not be able to handle the heat of my words. I know, I can be very insensitive. I'm certainly not the most emotionally intelligent or empathetic person on the planet. It's something that I have to work on daily and I try my best to keep that at bay, especially online.
With that being said, I choose to get my message across in an "ardent" manner. Not to hurt anyone's feelings, but to hopefully give them that "wake up call". Surely that will not work for everyone. Hence why I also said: "reach out to a professional if you are struggling".
This post was by no means ill-intended, nor was it meant to serve as professional help whatsoever. I really tried to make that clear in the blog. Not sure if that helped at all, to be honest.
Thanks for your comment. I welcome views and perspectives other than my own and will take your remarks into consideration. Cheers.
Wow, I love your honesty, and the fact you’ve made this a space where it’s totally okay to disagree without things getting unpleasant - that’s an internet rarity 😍
I see where you’re coming from, and I can tell from the disclaimers as well as your other comments here that you have nothing but good intentions, of course. I’m not sure it’s about “being able to handle the heat of your words”, as much as it is about agreeing with the implications of your words. Your tone is harsh, but that’s not the issue - in fact, the tone, the heat, makes for an engaging read.
It’s the fact that you portray all this as something people can simply choose to opt out of, rather than relatively fixed attributes of one’s neural pathways. It can take years to deconstruct thinking/behaviour, and making it seem like you can just choose to feel differently ignores that fact, so I worried some might read this and feel guilt or shame for finding this trickier than you make it seem. In my experience, “carrot” works better than “stick” for those who are struggling, and statements like “GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, WILL YOU?! 😡“ serve only as guilt-amplifiers.
But anyways, it sounds like you’re aware of the insensitivity of your words anyways and simply wrote this article for a different target audience. Where you definitely hit the spot. 🎯
Looking forward to reading more from you!
It's a fallacy that Imposter Syndrome is a beginner phenomenon. There is the notion "at first we're all beginners" but it runs deeper than that. If anything, beginner's can often go in the opposite direction - the expert beginner.
From Brian Holt - Having Empathy while Teaching Programming
The above graphic is an inverted triangle. Beginner's "what you know" covers an extremely small area at the tip with a relatively small "what you know you don't know" area on top of it. So beginners often won't have a sense of the full scope of the "what you dont't know you don't know" area - i.e. everything seems to be within reach.
As learning progresses "what you know" expands - but so does "what you know you don't know" and with that an intuition of the vastness of the "what you don't know you don't know" area emerges. This is what
is all about. But is can lead to the situation where:
So from that perspective a little impostor syndrome can be helpful for pushing oneself out of the expert beginner zone - as long as it doesn't get out of hand. However with that comes the constant sense that there could be something out there in "what you don't know you don't know" land that could help you make more informed decisions than what your current, restricted "what you know" allows.
Opportunity cost is real but how does that help with choosing a direction? Sometimes it can be obvious where forging ahead across the "what you know you don't know" boundary can bring short term benefit - but that doesn't necessarily align with the direction needed for a chosen long term goal. So one way or another some realignment is necessary to optimize meaningful progress. But alignment isn't absolute as progress reveals new information which may invalidate earlier assumptions, necessitating re-evaluation of long term goals and adjustment of direction. So the actual path is rarely a straight line. (See also Plan, Do, Check, Act).
Thanks for the great post!
Totally agree on not celebrating the milestone part. I think most people don’t celebrate the milestone because they forget to set the next milestone beforehand and they sort of go right past it.
Milestone must be defined by what you can do i.e Finishing the project, Acquiring new skills, Solving the pain point and not the outcome of these activities like fatter paycheck, more followers etc.
Celebrating the milestone can give you a sense of accomplishment and keep you motivated. Looking at the bigger picture is important but when you celebrate the small wins along the way, it makes easier to reach finish line.
Hope this helps!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts @6aravind ! Glad you enjoyed this post! 😊
Thanks for the post. Im starting a new job next week after one year searching for it after graduation. Now Im here thinking about if Im good enough to achieve the goals that are waiting for me. I cant hide it ... sometimes Im just scared as one day my boss and colleagues are gonna say: "Why did we hire this guy again?" lol
Its real guys! Anyway I hope everything is gonna be fine. I will try to do my best!
These are some hot takes, but I can't argue with any of them! I agree that social media is a HUGE part of it. It's so easy to beat yourself up seeing other's successes and high numbers. I've found it super helpful to trim my 'following' lists to people that truly inspire me and don't give me that sinking feeling when I see their posts. Removing influencer-types and following more people in similar boats as me helped a lot.
Oh my goodness, THIS! Literally THIS right here! More people need to become familiar with this practice. Groom that following list! Follow those that make you feel uplifted instead of those that make you feel like trash.
Absolutely! This should be a universal piece of advice! 👌🏻 Spot on, seriously.
Thanks so much for adding to the conversation! 🙇🏻♀️
aaah you know what's been helping me a bit, a brag document template created by Julia Evans (she's pretty cool!) jvns.ca/blog/brag-documents/ it's truly helpful for self-reflection (and in a positive light too!), which I think is something I need to do more often hahaha
Thanks for sharing! Looks quite helpful at first glance!
Thanks for the Post Amelia! As a Developer who is currently going through this while feeling alone (only developer at company, working in current software, building custom software, and developing new website) it's rough!
I know the feeling of either thinking you aren't worth the job, or even getting unmotivated due to all the tasks and thinking the stress level of this alone with what you're being paid for the job doesn't make sense! lol
Anyways, thanks again!
What if I have a crewmate syndrome?
LOL, how would you describe that?
Umm, I dunno.
Ever had asked someone about something you struggle with and they answer you in a heartbeat? You've most likely done that to someone else without thinking about it because you know you had a lot of trial to figure it out, just as they did.
I'm not sure I understand. Can you elaborate?
This helped and thanks 🤩
Glad you found it helpful @ov1n ! 😊
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