No one:

Me: Can't do it- that's not me

Sometimes it's not enough to just love and believe in yourself. When someone expresses that they believe in you, it is the fan to further ignite the flames.

It was exactly one year ago. He was working on an Android development course he had signed up for. Somehow the topic of working in tech came up. He points to his screen, a beautiful monitor and tower set up straight out of the Matrix. He tells me, "You can do this, you know. You'd probably like it- you still get to create things. You wont have to work late nights and weekends anymore either."

10+ years in the NYC wine & hospitality industry has made my dating and a social life almost non-existant outside your work family. Somehow, with his 'normal' day time job in tech, our paths crossed and we made the relationship work. We both knew if I didn't change careers, it would take longer for our relationship to grow and develop. I loved my industry but the 3am bedtimes were taking a toll on me. It's great when you're single, but I was looking for a better quality of life.

During Covid quarantine was when I got a huge wake up call that I needed to develop a set of work skills that would keep me employed in life indefinitely. Everyone else got to keep working remotely except me. I questioned all my life choices, and for a moment felt so dumb for attempting to pursue the superficiality of big city life. I also felt, at the time, I didn't qualify for anything better. It is what it is now. No room for regrets at this point. A big of sadness, but not feeling at a total loss.

He says to me, "This is your chance now to learn something new and improve your paycheck. Do you want to work minimum wage the rest of your life? I am not a smart man, and I did this. My brother and sister-in-law started bootcamps at 40 and they're doing great now. There is no reason you can't do it too." I had to stop bullshitting myself that my source of income was reliable and responsible. I hate to sound like I'm shitting on people in a very difficult and honorable industry. I truly enjoyed what I did for customers, for clients. But look what happened to the world... I gave to everyone but myself. I always ran to work when my boss called, I never said no, I stayed late, I trained everyone. I'd been so busy caring for others, I didn't stop to do something for me.

Okay- why do I want to become a software engineer?

A few months before quarantine, I was conceptualizing a curriculum for how to make wine not only teachable, but easier to understand by any every day wine drinker. Most of my roadblocks was technology related. I was frustrated I'd have to use a 3rd party to execute what I needed when I could've executed faster if it was by myself- things like a website, a cloud, an app to deliver real time slide show over your phone, even just graphic design.

Thanks to a more positive group of people in my life, my mindset changed and I have a newfound belief in myself. I used to always say "No that's not me. I can't study computers." Now I think, "Why can't that be me? If they can learn it, no reason why I can't either." And you have to want it. And I do want it.

When the cards started to magically fall on the table that I was going to get into a top bootcamp of choice under all the parameters I needed to finish the course, I couldn't ignore that if I want my life to change for the better - it starts and ends with me. Qutting is not an option here. I have so much on the line. I've been warned by many friends in the industry the blood and sweat that would happen, but once you're over the hill it will pay itself off. This is my Mount Everest. Every time I think of maybe I should give up because it's hard, I feel so sad because not only is there no Plan B, but I don't want to fail or quit something again. (That is another story).

Again - WHY DO I WANT TO BE A SOFTWARE ENGINEER???!!

• a better paycheck
• a better quality of life
• I want to invent apps and internet-based services that will improve our quality of life
• I want the skills to be able to keep up with a technology run world

TL;DR - If your life sucks or you're unhappy, only you can change it. You can't blame race, color, or creed. Don't prewrite your destiny in what you can and cant do because you are not obligated to be the person you were 5 minutes ago. So go change your life and do what makes you happy.