Am I doing something wrong by obsessing over being able to memorize these concepts and being able to speak correctly?
It has only been 6 weeks into bootcamp. My other classmates are further ahead of me, and seem to grasp the concepts faster. With the pressure to stay up to speed, I rarely took notes in the (now, I see it as bleeding) hope I could commit it all to memory.
What I understand now is its not about memorizing, per se, but being able to know how to reference better? Strengthen the Google skills?
I just passed our first module with many tears. Prior to the assessment date, I was able to take about a week to go over my code line by line, and then go back into the curriculum and take notes the old fashioned way I knew how. It took longer, but I understood everything better that time around. So when I passed my module, I asked to switch to a slower paced cohort. It's not just the imposter syndrome, but this weird panic attack I get when I start to imagine the whole picture - it feels similar to drowning. I've had to remind myself we will focus on one lesson at a time, let's take it one day at a time and not go nuts, and not make ourselves panic over nothing. Oddly, that is how I was able to get through crazy nights of table service. Every time a customer would come in the door, I had an internal/mental panic attack as I added up all the work that would have to be done within a certain amount of time. Some of my coworkers are better blessed to not know how to think in advance so they are the perfect working cow where they only focus on the task at hand, and when completed, can move on to the next. While brain is constantly fixated on all the tasks that need to be handled, I am already panicking over the next task that must be met yet I hadn't dealt with the task that was in front of me at that moment. In time, I overcame those mental panics because I told my brain the night would have to end eventually or slow down so there was no need to freak out.
Back to the tech stuff - I am going through the entire module from the top re-reading the ReadMes and listening to the lectures. I do feel more comfortable going about it this way. I am a little worried I'm focusing on the wrong things or studying the wrong way.. but in the end I would end up going back to basics because it would bother me too much that I skipped the reading.
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