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Discussion on: Violent communication

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Philipp Giese Author

Thanks for that elaborate response! I 100% share your thoughts. As with a lot of things, it would be great if they weren't needed at all. What helped me was thinking about it like that:

If I'm in a situation that doesn't make me happy I essentially have two options. Keep staying unhappy or actively do something about it. NVC helps me become happier again. Of course, it is rude of the other person to be on the phone. However, I won't make the situation any better (now and in the future) if I snap at them. If I use NVC in this context my hope is that (a) the current situation improves immediately and (b) I've given the other person an actual chance to self-reflect and also change their behavior in the future. And the chance of (b) happening is enough for me to stick with it. Even if every encounter only results in a 1% change for the better then this accumulates to a HUGE change to the better over time.

Sometimes, of course, there are situations where this doesn't work at all. That's the truth. I just decided that I won't let my actions be dictated by the 10% (assumption) of cases where NVC doesn't work but rather by the 90% where it does.

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Davide de Paolis

very wise words. thanx