Software engineer obsessed with accessibility in tech, pretty code, fiber crafts, and her dogs' happiness. Looking for a team that's excited about building with accessibility and inclusion in mind.
Thanks for all your answers! I forgot about some of those, so I'll definitely have to go back to try some of these out. I use the pomodoro technique religiously. And I think QTM would mesh really well with my current journaling system.
I completely agree that neurodiversity is a great and important thing to have in the world and that we can think about and see the world in ways that others might not. There is definitely something to be said for the fact that certain things that we have in "deficit" would not be a problem in a society that was structured differently or had different standards of success. I don't doubt it at all.
I've worked really hard to undo a lot of what my upbringing told me were great failures in my character. To reframe and think of them differently now that I know it was never a lack of willpower but a difference in wiring. That constantly working on things last minute wasn't because I was immature and careless but because it's hard to recognize things that aren't urgent. That my inability to commit to one art style was more being able to see the beauty in so many different art styles and not just me being fickle or indecisive.
It took me a long time to figure out how to word this without completely dismissing your point. Because I do agree with you. But I think it's important for people to understand, neurotypicals and NDs both.
Despite knowing and whole-heartedly agreeing with all of the above sentiments, for me and many others, ADHD is a disorder to manage because it negatively affects our life quality and happiness. It's one thing to be constantly late to meetings and having society judge us as undisciplined and inconsiderate. That's not exactly fair when it's harder for us to conceptualize time and deadlines. But it's different when you're not able to participate in the hobbies you love because there's so much mental resistance to starting a new task. Or not being able to remember that amazing experience shared with your partner only two weeks ago. Or losing a personal item worth a great amount, monetary or not. Or trying to verbalize your thoughts and not being able to remember your words enough to be coherent. The list goes on.
People with ADHD, neurodiverse folks -- we are amazing. We do have great superpowers. But sometimes, those superpowers come at great personal cost.
I totally understand many of those hurdles — quite a few show up because of my head injury, plus several more insidious ones besides. I know what it is to live with glitches.
However, as long as I allowed myself to believe I was somehow "broken" with this new brain, I was putting a governor on my abilities. My brain is not defective; your brain is not defective.
Recognize individual challenges as challenges, but beware labeling the entire set as a disorder.
I agree that those superpowers can come at a great personal cost. I'd even go one step further and say, the greater the superpower, the greater the cost! Some of the most incredible thinkers in our world — folks with mental abilities miles beyond the wildest dreams of a neuronormal individual — are firmly on the autism spectrum. Some cannot function in society without personal assistants to handle nearly all social interaction for them.
Yet in their own space and group, wherein their strengths and challenges are accepted as "completely normal" for the group, this doesn't present the same. Such an environment is tailored more to their strengths than their weaknesses, such that the weaknesses become incidental, "normal", "OK". Particular triggers are minimized for the collective benefit of the group. Strengths are emphasized, celebrated, brought to the surface. Weaknesses are accepted, accounted for, but not given undue attention.
To say that ADHD, AS, dyslexia, and the like are superpowers, rather than disorders, is not to downplay the challenges. Rather, it is to reframe one's perspective of that brain wiring.
YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. You will be able to learn how to overcome the particular challenges your brain wiring presents. You'll always have your kryptonite, if you will, and that may require constant struggle in some areas. However, often we don't have more struggles than the "average person"; we simply have different, more noticeable struggles; remember, many people are afraid to admit to their weaknesses, instead putting on a show of Having It All Together. Indeed, a neuronormal may be able to get away with that, whereas we seldom can. And if you do indeed have more or greater struggles than most others, consider that your potential is proportionately greater as well!
The greatest among us need challenges in our lives, lest we become insufferable twits.
None of that is to downplay your experience. Just take all this from someone who has had to live with the manifest symptoms of dyslexia and (something similar to) ADHD as part of this crazy package deal called a traumatic brain injury. I've lived with everything you've described for over a decade, such that I've had the life experience of both having and lacking those challenges.
When I started to view myself, not as having a disorder, but as having superpowers accompanied by proportionate challenges, that did wonders for my self-esteem and my ability to overcome the challenges I face. As long as I had a disorder, I was a victim; now, I'm an overcomer.
Software engineer obsessed with accessibility in tech, pretty code, fiber crafts, and her dogs' happiness. Looking for a team that's excited about building with accessibility and inclusion in mind.
Jason. Unironically and without sarcasm, I will say: You're amazing. You're so supportive and have such a great attitude and perspective on this, and I hope more people can view their neurodivergence the way you do, myself included!
However, often we don't have more struggles than the "average person"; we simply have different, more noticeable struggles; remember, many people are afraid to admit to their weaknesses, instead putting on a show of Having It All Together.
This one is so true. It's so easy to think that everyone else is doing fine so there must definitely be something wrong with you, but not realizing that others are probably thinking the same about you!
And if you do indeed have more or greater struggles than most others, consider that your potential is proportionately greater as well!
I really like the way you framed this. It's a good reminder for myself and others whenever they're in a period of struggle to know that there's a lot of good that can and will come soon once you get past that challenge.
And! Just in case. I want to make clear that I don't think I am broken or that my brain is defective or that any neurodivergent person is. We're not. I love ND brains and yikes I really hope that that didn't come through in my last comment!
I realize it's super important to explain that I'm coming from a point of view where a disorder should only be labeled a disorder (and thus only given "treatment") if your condition or symptoms are causing you and/or the people close to youlong-lasting, significant distress. And it's the distress that needs treating. I know that that's not always how others, even (or especially?) others in the psych or neuro field, define a disorder. I think I was taught a slightly more holistic/humanistic approach to diagnoses and I realize that people can't read my mind(!) and that that's not everyone's interpretation of it.
I call the suffering that ADHD causes a person the disorder, not the ADHD itself. If someone is not suffering from their ADHD? What disorder? Nothing to "fix". And jeez, I realize the irony of that considering that "disorder" is in the name. :)
There's such a harmful view on AS and ADHD (and more!) as something that needs to be fixed or cured and everyone immediately defaulting to calling it a disorder that needs fixing is suuuper problematic and causes ND people a lot of pain. So I apologize that I may have come off that way!
I wanted to point out that for me and others some of those ADHD tendencies can cause a lot of suffering, and seeing so many people talk about their ND superpowers can feel a little disheartening because then we're sitting there just wondering "hey, when are these superpowers going to kick in?" and it's a pretty lousy feeling. And sometimes people need outside help to manage their ND tendencies and get to those superpowers and that's okay! It's kind of like when you feel like crap after a lot of other crap has happened and someone tells you to 'stay positive and look at the bright side!' Sometimes it's simply not helpful. Sometimes you just want someone to acknowledge all the crap. And sometimes you need help dealing with all the crap.
I wanted to highlight and show that, yes, there are superpowers, but yes, there is also a lot of pain that people deal with. I want people to know that they're not alone in those struggles and that it's normal and okay. (Especially important for those who might not have the resources available for them to accommodate their ADHD traits in a society that won't accommodate them.) Like you said, a lot of people hide their weaknesses and struggles and I wanted to make the struggle more visible. BUT, taking what you said, it's also important for people to know that they have just as much potential for greatness as they do struggles.
Not to be trite but I'll repeat: We are awesome. We do have superpowers. Sometimes they come at a great personal cost but I know that it'll always be a cost we can overcome.
Wow that was a hugely long ramble. Thank you for your comments and for reading all this!
Thanks for all your answers! I forgot about some of those, so I'll definitely have to go back to try some of these out. I use the pomodoro technique religiously. And I think QTM would mesh really well with my current journaling system.
I completely agree that neurodiversity is a great and important thing to have in the world and that we can think about and see the world in ways that others might not. There is definitely something to be said for the fact that certain things that we have in "deficit" would not be a problem in a society that was structured differently or had different standards of success. I don't doubt it at all.
I've worked really hard to undo a lot of what my upbringing told me were great failures in my character. To reframe and think of them differently now that I know it was never a lack of willpower but a difference in wiring. That constantly working on things last minute wasn't because I was immature and careless but because it's hard to recognize things that aren't urgent. That my inability to commit to one art style was more being able to see the beauty in so many different art styles and not just me being fickle or indecisive.
It took me a long time to figure out how to word this without completely dismissing your point. Because I do agree with you. But I think it's important for people to understand, neurotypicals and NDs both.
Despite knowing and whole-heartedly agreeing with all of the above sentiments, for me and many others, ADHD is a disorder to manage because it negatively affects our life quality and happiness. It's one thing to be constantly late to meetings and having society judge us as undisciplined and inconsiderate. That's not exactly fair when it's harder for us to conceptualize time and deadlines. But it's different when you're not able to participate in the hobbies you love because there's so much mental resistance to starting a new task. Or not being able to remember that amazing experience shared with your partner only two weeks ago. Or losing a personal item worth a great amount, monetary or not. Or trying to verbalize your thoughts and not being able to remember your words enough to be coherent. The list goes on.
People with ADHD, neurodiverse folks -- we are amazing. We do have great superpowers. But sometimes, those superpowers come at great personal cost.
I totally understand many of those hurdles — quite a few show up because of my head injury, plus several more insidious ones besides. I know what it is to live with glitches.
However, as long as I allowed myself to believe I was somehow "broken" with this new brain, I was putting a governor on my abilities. My brain is not defective; your brain is not defective.
Recognize individual challenges as challenges, but beware labeling the entire set as a disorder.
I agree that those superpowers can come at a great personal cost. I'd even go one step further and say, the greater the superpower, the greater the cost! Some of the most incredible thinkers in our world — folks with mental abilities miles beyond the wildest dreams of a neuronormal individual — are firmly on the autism spectrum. Some cannot function in society without personal assistants to handle nearly all social interaction for them.
Yet in their own space and group, wherein their strengths and challenges are accepted as "completely normal" for the group, this doesn't present the same. Such an environment is tailored more to their strengths than their weaknesses, such that the weaknesses become incidental, "normal", "OK". Particular triggers are minimized for the collective benefit of the group. Strengths are emphasized, celebrated, brought to the surface. Weaknesses are accepted, accounted for, but not given undue attention.
To say that ADHD, AS, dyslexia, and the like are superpowers, rather than disorders, is not to downplay the challenges. Rather, it is to reframe one's perspective of that brain wiring.
YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. You will be able to learn how to overcome the particular challenges your brain wiring presents. You'll always have your kryptonite, if you will, and that may require constant struggle in some areas. However, often we don't have more struggles than the "average person"; we simply have different, more noticeable struggles; remember, many people are afraid to admit to their weaknesses, instead putting on a show of Having It All Together. Indeed, a neuronormal may be able to get away with that, whereas we seldom can. And if you do indeed have more or greater struggles than most others, consider that your potential is proportionately greater as well!
The greatest among us need challenges in our lives, lest we become insufferable twits.
None of that is to downplay your experience. Just take all this from someone who has had to live with the manifest symptoms of dyslexia and (something similar to) ADHD as part of this crazy package deal called a traumatic brain injury. I've lived with everything you've described for over a decade, such that I've had the life experience of both having and lacking those challenges.
When I started to view myself, not as having a disorder, but as having superpowers accompanied by proportionate challenges, that did wonders for my self-esteem and my ability to overcome the challenges I face. As long as I had a disorder, I was a victim; now, I'm an overcomer.
Jason. Unironically and without sarcasm, I will say: You're amazing. You're so supportive and have such a great attitude and perspective on this, and I hope more people can view their neurodivergence the way you do, myself included!
This one is so true. It's so easy to think that everyone else is doing fine so there must definitely be something wrong with you, but not realizing that others are probably thinking the same about you!
I really like the way you framed this. It's a good reminder for myself and others whenever they're in a period of struggle to know that there's a lot of good that can and will come soon once you get past that challenge.
And! Just in case. I want to make clear that I don't think I am broken or that my brain is defective or that any neurodivergent person is. We're not. I love ND brains and yikes I really hope that that didn't come through in my last comment!
I realize it's super important to explain that I'm coming from a point of view where a disorder should only be labeled a disorder (and thus only given "treatment") if your condition or symptoms are causing you and/or the people close to you long-lasting, significant distress. And it's the distress that needs treating. I know that that's not always how others, even (or especially?) others in the psych or neuro field, define a disorder. I think I was taught a slightly more holistic/humanistic approach to diagnoses and I realize that people can't read my mind(!) and that that's not everyone's interpretation of it.
I call the suffering that ADHD causes a person the disorder, not the ADHD itself. If someone is not suffering from their ADHD? What disorder? Nothing to "fix". And jeez, I realize the irony of that considering that "disorder" is in the name. :)
There's such a harmful view on AS and ADHD (and more!) as something that needs to be fixed or cured and everyone immediately defaulting to calling it a disorder that needs fixing is suuuper problematic and causes ND people a lot of pain. So I apologize that I may have come off that way!
I wanted to point out that for me and others some of those ADHD tendencies can cause a lot of suffering, and seeing so many people talk about their ND superpowers can feel a little disheartening because then we're sitting there just wondering "hey, when are these superpowers going to kick in?" and it's a pretty lousy feeling. And sometimes people need outside help to manage their ND tendencies and get to those superpowers and that's okay! It's kind of like when you feel like crap after a lot of other crap has happened and someone tells you to 'stay positive and look at the bright side!' Sometimes it's simply not helpful. Sometimes you just want someone to acknowledge all the crap. And sometimes you need help dealing with all the crap.
I wanted to highlight and show that, yes, there are superpowers, but yes, there is also a lot of pain that people deal with. I want people to know that they're not alone in those struggles and that it's normal and okay. (Especially important for those who might not have the resources available for them to accommodate their ADHD traits in a society that won't accommodate them.) Like you said, a lot of people hide their weaknesses and struggles and I wanted to make the struggle more visible. BUT, taking what you said, it's also important for people to know that they have just as much potential for greatness as they do struggles.
Not to be trite but I'll repeat: We are awesome. We do have superpowers. Sometimes they come at a great personal cost but I know that it'll always be a cost we can overcome.
Wow that was a hugely long ramble. Thank you for your comments and for reading all this!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words.
Believe me, I know a thing or ten about hugely long rambles. ;) It's not a problem; I appreciate everything you're saying.