re: My girl in IT VIEW POST

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Teach her anything she wants to learn. I'm sure it wasn't the intent of this thread, but it sounds very much like "what IT work is easy enough for a girl to do?" and that's just an insane thing to ask. If she's interested in your industry, be her mentor and her teacher and don't set any limits on it.

I see people in the comments suggesting front end development, which is a totally reasonable skill for anyone to learn, but I also think it's a trend in the industry that we need to bust. Statements like "ask her if she likes to draw or likes cute stuff like this" are perpetuating this belief. There seems to be a invisible line in some people's minds that women can't do back end development, which I'm sure everyone agrees is total BS.

If my wife (who is FAR more capable and intelligent than I am, and a PhD biomedical engineer) asked how she could help me at work, I'd jump at the opportunity for her to teach me how I could do my job better. Whether she has development experience or not, she's 1000% better at research, people skills, project planning, writing, and just about every other aspect of work and life.

So, just in case anyone is putting limits on their partner, purposefully or not, think again and consider what they could teach you instead.

 

I do not think I am setting any limits on her. There are lots of things she does much better than me. But the question was as simple as that what are things that usually work the best when there are 2 people cooperating in: one with some knowledge, the second that just started learning.

 

Wait wait wait...the reason I said to ask to draw is not because I didn't think she cannot do it, but more like I saw girls I knew were more interested in it and she might also be interested it.

I also know girls who knows backend development, but trying to force her to something also seems not good.

"is something she could learn/do to help me in my IT job.", doesn't feel like something that needs to be backend job. It is still in discussion so we might find something that will help the in question.

PS: My question is more like an answer to know more of this, Teach her anything she wants to learn. Seems you have same intention except you don't appreciate the creative and lovely challenges that others are proposing.

 

I understand. I don't think you were trying to be sexist. I just noticed a trend in the suggestions, and wanted to encourage people to not set limits on anyone's ability. I think your suggestions are good overall, and I agree that a lot of people who are creative are also good at front end development.

I think also using the term "girls" for adult women sounds demeaning, so maybe I'm projecting because of that. Like calling a grown man "boy", it minimizes them and in an industry where women are already minimized far too often, I think it's something to be extra aware of. I don't think that was your intent though.

Thanks for the discussion :) It's important for us to talk about these things and share ideas and experiences.

Ehehehe, well, the title itself says "My girl", so maybe we subconsciously used that term. The debate shouldn't be about the terms. It should be about ideas that can help them.

So, final word is, let's wait for her response and continue further on.

@alex The the power of silence is valuable when choosing not to address the intent of the person asking the question positively, but actually turning the whole discussion into something else, which is objectively a rude thing to do.

Additionally not every culture sees the same words the same way as you do, so you are meeting his question with intolerance. Why because words, emphasis, culture, etc are not viewed the same way by everyone. He may not even have the same linguistic background to you, you choose to preach over address his intent.

Tolerance is a two way street and getting on a soapbox because the guy didn't spend 10min to write 3 lines in an off the cuff question shouldn't detract from his intent which is clearly meant to be 'he wants to include his wife. He's listening to her and wants her to feel included. He loves her so much that he's asking his peers for help so he can do right by her'.

Sounds like you are the guy who needs a lesson on how 'words' can affect others. You need to look at yourself and ask will others now feel 'unsafe' to ask questions for fear their language skills aren't good enough. Is that the world you want?

This post is 'wife' supported. ;)

Thanks for giving me something to consider. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I know I’m far from perfect, but every thing I do is with the best intent. I’ll take your thoughts into consideration to help me continue to grow. Cheers!

Now that's the best answer ever! Never gotten that one yet. I respect you man. I may not always agree with you, but i respect you. Have a great weekend.

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